


On Your Doorstep

by miss_minnelli



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, Aziraphale Has a Vulva (Good Omens), Based on Friends with Kids (2011), Crowley Has a Penis (Good Omens), F/M, Female Aziraphale (Good Omens), Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Goromcom, Having a Baby with Your Best Friend, Kid Fic, Male Crowley (Good Omens), Other, Pregnancy, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:20:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23534464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_minnelli/pseuds/miss_minnelli
Summary: “Don’t you think it would be easier to already have a kid before you fall in love?” Crowley asked.“What?”“If you already had a kid, and then you started dating your ideal person, you wouldn’t have to worry about all the drama and hardship of having a kid together and that relationship wouldn’t be tainted.”Zira raised her eyebrows. “So you’re saying you’d rather have kids with someone that you’re not that romantically interested in and then what, break up with them for your dream person?”...Zira and Crowley, friends since university, are the last two single people in their group of friends. Neither wants to be part of one of those couples whose kids destroy their relationships, so instead of waiting for their perfect matches, Zira and Crowley decide to platonically have a baby together.
Relationships: Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Gabriel/Michael (Good Omens)
Comments: 120
Kudos: 249
Collections: Good Omens Human AUs, Good Omens Rom Com Event





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my entry for the Good Omens Romcom based on the movie Friends with Kids. 
> 
> Thanks to my beta, the lovely curtaincall, to bisasterdi for setting everything up, and to my lovely girlfriend sherwhotreksings for her expert help and for listening to me talk about this AU for five months!
> 
> I will be attempting to update weekly, and I have a few chapters already written ahead.
> 
> Please enjoy and let me know what you think!

Zira sighed and tried to get comfortable. It was very difficult when you were avoiding all contact with your bed-partner. She groaned, and when the man next to her shifted closer in his sleep, she slowly sat up and swung her legs off the side of her bed, placing them on her plush rug. Zira felt a rush of cool air on her bare legs, which served as a reminder of the night’s activities. 

The man in her bed, whose name was, unfortunately, Chad, thankfully rolled the other way and didn’t notice her absence. 

Zira stood up slowly and reached for her dressing gown, which was draped over the chair next to her bed. She pulled it on and stuffed her feet into her fuzzy slippers before creeping out of the bedroom. 

There was just no way she was going to get any sleep with that man in there. She wasn’t exactly embarrassed to have spent the night with a man (quite) a bit her junior, but she was bothered by the fact that said man turned out to be a cuddler. (Now, Zira herself was definitely a cuddler, but not with strangers, thank you very much.)

She very quietly made her way into the kitchen and brewed a cup of tea: herbal, of course. There was no need to make her insomnia any worse. 

The option of taking the tea down to her bookshop and hiding there was an inviting thought, and she considered it, but the far more entertaining idea was going across the hall and seeing if Crowley was up, which he usually was. 

Crowley was Zira’s best friend, and they’d known each other since their university days. They were both in their mid-thirties now, but neither was in a committed relationship and both lived alone. Well, technically they lived alone, but a number of years ago, Crowley had needed a new apartment and Zira had suggested he take the apartment across the hall from hers, both of which sat atop her beloved bookshop. 

There had been many days and nights in those past few years that Zira would show up at Crowley’s door (and vice versa) because she couldn’t sleep, or because she’d cooked a particularly large breakfast and didn’t want to deal with leftovers, or simply because she wanted some company. Sometimes, Crowley would have somebody, a _bed-partner_ , sleeping over, but he’d never sent Zira away when she knocked. (There had never been an instance when Crowley knocked that Zira had had a man in her bed, but she would have most definitely done the same, had she partaken in more  casual escapades of the bedroom.)

Zira quickly stopped pretending she was going to take her tea all alone in the bookshop and softly padded out her apartment door and over to Crowley’s. 

Moments after Zira knocked, Crowley appeared in the doorway, looking as if he hadn’t even been to bed yet. (To be fair, Zira wasn’t actually aware of the time, but it had felt like she’d been staring at the ceiling for upwards of two hours before she gave up on the hope of getting any sleep.) Crowley was wearing his dress shirt from work that day, but it was buttoned slightly incorrectly, and he was also wearing a pair of grey joggers. 

“Hey, angel,” he said, smiling. “Everything alright?”

Zira raised a finger to her lips and shushed Crowley aggressively. She then whispered, “Yeah, everything’s fine. Just bored. Couldn’t sleep.”

Crowley smirked and leaned against the doorframe. “Uh, any reason for the whispering?” he asked in a loud stage whisper.

She turned a bit pink. “There’s a man in there,” she said, jerking her thumb behind her, toward her apartment.

Backing up slowly and letting Zira into his apartment, Crowley asked, “And might that be the reason you couldn’t sleep? Because he was ravishing you? You do look rather ravished, angel.”

Zira turned fully red. That filthy man. “Crowley! That is none of your business. And I do not look  _ ravished _. I look like I’ve been trying to sleep for the past several hours.” She paused briefly, then continued, looking over Crowley’s shoulder. “And I’ll have you know that any kind of activities I participated in earlier tonight were far from any kind of ravishing.” 

Crowley raised his eyebrows, and Zira smirked, delighted that she’d shocked her best friend with details he’d never have expected out of her. “Oh, was he boring? Or inexperienced?” Zira’s smirk fell, and she blushed again. “Oh, that’s it, isn’t it?” Crowley asked. “He was inexperienced! Oh, I bet he was way too young for you, angel. How young was he? Twenty-two?”

“I would never- twenty-t- alright, he was twenty-five. Are you happy?”

“Thrilled, thanks for asking,” Crowley replied, grinning. He clearly found this much more amusing than Zira, who was regretting coming over here in the first place. 

“That’s not so much younger than me, Crowley. I’m only thirty-one, thanks.”

Crowley walked over to his sofa and flopped down on one end. “Yeah, but you think it’s embarrassing, which is what makes it fun for me. Listen, I’ll drop it. But could you please tell me his name? Was it Tanner? Or something like Braxley? Oh please tell me it was Cale?”

Zira groaned and hid her face in her hands. “Chad.”

Crowley laughed, a nice twinkly laugh, and Zira turned around, groaning again. “Come sit down, angel. I said I’d drop it.” He patted the sofa next to him and she sat down on the opposite end, stretching her feet out toward Crowley’s lap. He lifted his arms and allowed her to rest her feet on his thighs. This might have seemed intimate to an onlooker, but Crowley and Zira’s friendship had always been rather tactile, which was good because Zira maintained that it was important to have platonic touch in your life as well as the romantic kind.

“So why are you still up, then?” asked Zira.

Crowley smiled slyly. “Same reason as you, it seems."

Zira’s eyes widened. “You mean you have a  _ person _ in your bed?” Her voice dropped to a whisper on “person.”

“Yeah, but Jordan’s dead asleep, don’t worry. I actually tried kicking them out so I could get some sleep, but it was impossible to wake them up.”

“Aw, what happened to Amanda? She was nice. Blonde. You usually like blondes.” (Aziraphale’s subconscious mind kindly didn’t remind her in that moment that she herself was a blonde.)

Crowley shrugged. “Got bored. Kinda done with Jordan too, but now I have to wait until the morning to break the bad news since they sleep like a petrified log.”

Zira always felt rather badly for Crowley’s conquests because her friend wasn’t always the most tactful at break ups. She’d once witnessed him break up with a guy as the guy was being driven away in a bicycle taxi. He’d claimed that it was so that Luke wouldn’t have had to cry in front of them since he was whisked away too quickly, but Zira was pretty sure it was because Crowley didn’t want to deal with the aftermath of the breakup. 

The aftermath of a breakup had always been quite important to Zira. She’d always make sure that the man she was breaking up with understood that it wasn’t his fault (even when it was) and told him she would always be his friend (even if she’d rather not), and generally broke his heart gently. Of course, one couldn’t really say this was  _ always _ her policy because she’d only ever broken up with two guys, and both times the split really had been rather amicable. She figured that perhaps if she ever had the misfortune of dating an extremely unpleasant man, she might change her methods of dumping. 

Zira focused back on Crowley’s living room and suddenly remembered something. She quickly got up and dashed to Crowley’s kitchen to look at the clock on the microwave. When she returned, she jumped back on the couch and practically tackled Crowley.

“Happy birthday!” she cried, completely forgetting about the aforementioned petrified log sleeping two rooms away. “I can’t believe I almost forgot!” Zira wrapped her arms around Crowley’s neck and gave him a peck on the cheek.” He laughed in surprise at her outburst but hugged her right back. 

Suddenly, Crowley stiffened and Zira found herself being gently eased off her friend’s lap and when she turned around, she found that she was being stared down by a semi-clothed person who was very likely named Jordan. The person crossed their arms and huffed.

Zira rearranged herself and settled back onto her side of the couch, paling a little from Jordan’s glare. From a quick glance at Crowley, however, she could tell he wasn’t too affected.

“Are you serious?” Jordan began, uncrossing their arms and letting them rest on their hips. “Who the hell is this, Anthony?”

Zira scrunched up her nose and gave Crowley a look as she mouthed, “Anthony?”

He shrugged nonchalantly. “Just trying it out. What, you don’t like it?”

“Excuse me!” Jordan yelled, “I’m talking here. Who the actual fucking hell is this?”

Crowley had the decency to look a bit sorry at their outburst, but then he smiled mischievously. “Well, um, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this, Jor, but I’m married?” He phrased it as a question and looked over at Zira pleadingly. She thought that she’d like to give him a reason to be sorry right about now. 

But, despite her frustration, Zira played along because, after all, what were friends for? 

“Yes,  _ honey _ , that’s the truth,” she said to Crowley, her tone dripping with sickly sweetness. “And I  _ treasure _ every day with you.”

Crowley threw a glare in Zira’s direction, then turned back to Jordan and shrugged apologetically. “Well, there you go. This here is my wife.”

“Oh my God, how could you not tell me you were married? Miss, I am so sorry, I am not a homewrecker. I never meant to get in between anything. Oh my God, I’m so sorry. Fuck, let me get my skirt and I’ll be out of here in five seconds.” Jordan turned and scurried back to Crowley’s bedroom in search of the rest of their clothes. 

Zira had half a mind to tackle Crowley again—but this time, she’d go for the throat. “You absolute bastard. I never said you could use me in your silly breakup game. Like I’d marry you anyway.” (Zira had absolutely never had any kind of dream that ended like that. Not even one. Not even one where she was wearing a cream dress with a sweetheart neckline and Crowley was wearing a deep maroon suit and they kissed passionately at the altar. Nope, she’d never had any kind of dream like that.) 

“Look, I needed to break up with them, so what was the harm?”

“Crowley! They’re going to leave here thinking they got in the middle of a happy relationship. They may even think they caused us to fight!”

Crowley waved his hand. “Nah, we don’t even seem upset at each other one bit. I wouldn’t worry about it.”

Zira shook her head and muttered, “Yeah, of course you wouldn’t.”

At that moment, Jordan reappeared in the sitting room, wearing more clothes than before and clutching a pair of Doc Martens. “Again, I’m so sorry. God, I’m so embarrassed.” They ducked their head and rushed out the apartment door. 

Zira stood up. “Well, _ sweetheart _ , I think I’d best be getting back to my sidepiece as well. But seriously, happy birthday, you wily serpent. I’ll see you tonight.”

“See you, angel,” said Crowley, and stretched out to the length of the couch. "Good luck with Chet over there.”

She cringed as she headed for the door. “Yeah, forgot about him for a minute there. Shucks. Well, ta-ta for now, as the kids say.”

Crowley rolled his eyes, likely because Zira knew very well that that wasn’t what the kids were saying, and then she slipped out the door and padded back to her apartment. 

Maybe she could get some sleep on the couch and then wake up early enough to make Chad something nice to eat while she told him that this was just going to be a one-off. 

. . .

That night, after her morning breakup- which had involved some tears, not on her part- and an uneventful Saturday afternoon at the bookshop, Zira’s cab pulled up outside The Devil’s Fork. 

After paying and thanking the driver, Zira took a deep breath and entered the restaurant. She loved Crowley and her other friends deeply, but wished they didn’t always insist on having outings in these new-agey, dark restaurants where you could barely hear yourself think over the jazz fusion music. She much preferred the Ritz, but that wasn’t really reasonable on a regular basis, unfortunately. 

The restaurant was dark, as she'd predicted, but after some squinting she managed to find her friends seated at a round table. 

Zira said her “hellos” to her friends Anathema and Newt, and Gabriel and Michael. Both couples had gotten married in the last few years and were ridiculously happy. It seemed that Gabriel and Michael were still in the honeymoon phase, if the hickey on Michael’s neck meant anything. 

Anathema motioned for Zira to take a seat next to her. Zira took off her jacket, and just as she was sitting down, Crowley rushed in, making an entrance as always. 

“Hello beautiful people!” He leaned down to kiss Anathema and Michael on the cheeks, and clapped Newt on the back with a force that almost sent the smaller man’s iPhone into his water glass.

Crowley had confided in Zira that he’d never really understood Anathema’s choice of a husband, but he respected it. However, that didn’t mean he couldn’t have a little fun sometimes, did it? Zira knew that Crowley didn’t mean anything by it, so she hadn’t scolded him for that sentiment. 

“Happy birthday, buddy!” said Gabriel, standing up to shake Crowley’s hand. Gabriel had a thing for making everything way too formal and insisted on shaking the hand of almost every man he met. 

Crowley shook Gabriel’s outstretched hand, grinned and took his seat next to Zira with a flourish. “How is everyone? Having an alright September?”

Anathema, who worked at a niche publishing company, started telling a story about one of her idiotic coworkers, but a minute in she was interrupted by the blood-curdling scream of a child at the next table over. 

All six of them turned to look, and the child’s mother smiled apologetically. Crowley turned back to the group and, in a low voice, said, “Can you imagine bringing a kid into an expensive restaurant like this?”

Zira shook her head; she didn’t think it was very responsible on those parents’ parts. “Yeah, that poor kid is probably starving. Kids can be monsters when they’re hungry.”

“They can be monsters, alright,” replied Crowley.

“I mean, I can barely make sense of coming here with the five of you, why would someone bring a child into this place? It’s loud and they’ll probably just start crying in the middle of dinner because of all those devil horns everywhere!” Zira pointed to the ones on the front of the menu.

Crowley nodded. “Plus, it’s like, why inconvenience other people with your child’s screaming?”

“I’m pregnant!” blurted Anathema and Crowley quickly snapped his jaw shut.

Michael’s eyes twinkled and Zira gave her a look of mock disappointment. “Did you already know? And you let us go on like that?”

The other woman smirked. “I wanted to see how long it would last,” she admitted, and Gabriel chuckled. 

Zira elbowed Crowley and said, “We are so sorry. My God, that was quite out of line. I’m sure your children will be absolute darlings and we’re going to love them so much.” Crowley nodded along diligently.

“Yeah, sorry, Ana. Didn’t mean anything by it. You know I want children one day, just wouldn’t bring them to The Devil’s Fork, is all.”

Anathema nodded, “Oh yeah, we’re hiring a babysitter when we go out, one hundred percent. Little kids don’t belong in restaurants where the food is more than twenty dollars a plate. Anyway, Crowley, I thought you were bringing Jordan tonight, what happened to them?”

Crowley stole a glance at Zira and winked. Zira found herself holding her breath as Crowley spoke. “Eh, she was getting boring. And she didn’t like Queen. That’s a dealbreaker for me. No biggie.”

Zira let out the air in her lungs. Thank goodness he hadn’t mentioned her one night stand. It had been embarrassing enough and she’d rather her slightly judgemental friends (looking at you, Gabriel) wouldn’t be able to hold it against her. She changed the subject a bit, just in case Crowley thought he was going to keep talking. “Speaking of dates, Ana, didn’t you say you had somebody you wanted to set me up with?”   


…

The rest of the dinner was mostly filled with catching up and presents for Crowley’s birthday, though there was a lot of talk of babies, because when your friends are newly pregnant with their first child, there’s not much else they’ll talk about. Zira didn’t mind much since she was thrilled to see her former college roommate so happy. Zira had known Anathema, Michael, and Crowley since college, and Anathema met Newt a few years after they graduated at some sort of pagan event? Zira had never been quite sure. Anathema was a peculiar one, always leaving crystals around their dorm room and insisting on drinking all her cocktails out of a tiny cauldron. But though Ana and Newt made a weird pair, Zira loved them both. Michael had met Gabriel at her job a few years ago and they'd been obsessed with each other ever since. Zira was less of a fan of Gabriel, but she tried her very best to support Michael.

Her friends may have been made up of a mismatched group of people, but they were all lovely in their own way, and she was very glad they were all doing so well. If only she could get a handle on her own love life, though. That would be the day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four years later, Zira and Crowley draw some conclusions about their friends.

_ Four Years Later _

Anathema and Newt (and young Brian) had moved to Chiswick eight months ago with the birth of their second child, Pepper. Ana had explained that it was closer to her aunt’s family (much of her family lived in America, but her Aunt Agnes had relocated them to the U.K. when Ana was young) and that they had exceptional schools. Zira didn’t know if this was true or not, but she couldn’t imagine leaving her bookshop in Soho. Except maybe when she retired, she and her future husband could live somewhere in the South Downs. But she definitely wanted to stay in London for now. 

Unfortunately, having two of your best friends live in Chiswick meant a grueling forty-five minute train ride to their apartment, but fortunately, Zira didn’t have to ride alone. 

She and Crowley got off the train and started the half-mile walk to Newt and Ana’s apartment. All six of them were meeting there for one of their (roughly) monthly group dinners.

“Wait, wait, tell me again? I need to hear that a second time,” asked Zira, nearly cackling as she walked next to Crowley, swinging a bag containing a bottle of wine in between them. He was wearing his sunglasses, even though the sun was buried under layers of clouds. Crowley rarely felt the need to wear his glasses around Zira or their friends; he wore them in public or around people he didn’t know or trust. He never said, but Zira and the others had figured out pretty quickly after meeting him that they were a crutch for his anxiety. Zira thought he had quite expressive eyes, and understood that he might not want to show all of his feelings to strangers. 

Crowley grinned. “I’m serious. Ligur from the maths department absolutely insisted I wear a huge, ridiculous hat all day last week for my birthday. It looked like a massive cake with purple candles and it definitely belonged in hell. I took it off to teach one of my classes and he stuck his head in and yelled at me to put it back on! So now I’m standing there in front of all of these kids who just want to learn about the different makeups of different kinds of soil, and I’m wearing this ridiculous hat. We didn’t get anything useful done after that, but they sure did enjoy it, I’ll tell you that.” His words were that of an annoyed professor, but his tone was mischievous. 

Crowley was a professor of plant and soil science at Oxford University. He’d gotten the job several years ago and it was the accomplishment he was most proud of in his life so far. Zira was quite proud of him too. 

She laughed heartily. “That is absolutely amazing. I wish I could have been there to see it.”

“Oh don’t worry,” Crowley reassured her, “Ligur has pictures. There’s a fifty-fifty chance he and Hastur send out a mass email to the entire maths and sciences department with that picture by the end of next week. Somehow it will make its way to you. Ugh I’m tired of walking. Why didn’t we take a cab?”

Zira shot him a look. “Because it’s not even a twenty minute walk. The real question is why did we agree to come out to Chiswick for dinner?” They both knew the answer to that question.

“Babies,” they said at the same time. 

“Yeah, our friends get to decide things now that they have tiny people running their lives,” remarked Crowley. “I did try to get them to a restaurant but that idea got shot down very quickly.” 

“Ah well, I’m glad we’re finally having one of our monthly dinners. It will be nice to see Gabriel and Michael and baby Warlock. It’s been, what? Six months since we’ve seen them? It hasn’t been since Warlock was born, has it?”

(There had been a lot of heads turned when Gabriel and Michael named their child “Warlock,” but Gabriel had insisted that it was an old family name. Zira wasn’t quite sure about that, but she gave him the benefit of the doubt as was her habit.)

Crowley shook his head. “Monthly dinners. That’s a concept. Maybe one day it will happen. But whatever, I know they’ve all got a lot on their plates.” 

Finally, they reached Ana and Newt’s apartment and hit the buzzer. 

After they were let in, the chaos really began. Zira realized that she hadn’t really prepared herself for what was to come. 

Anathema answered the door in a tizzy. She wasn’t wearing one of her signature witchy dresses; instead she was clad in baggy jeans and a t-shirt. Brian was screaming and running in a circle behind her and Zira could hear Pepper crying in a nearby room. 

“Hi guys, good to see you. Sorry it’s a mess here. My chakras are all messed up and everybody’s aura is weird in this building today. But we’re almost ready for dinner. Hang on, I gotta…” She jerked her head towards Brian who looked about ready to climb up a wall. “He’s hungry now,” Ana explained as she picked him up. “I’m going to make him something.” Then, she started shouting and Zira jumped a little. “NEWTON! CAN YOU COME IN HERE AND GREET OUR GUESTS?”

Newt hollered back that he would be right there and as Ana disappeared into the kitchen, Newt came out of one of the bedrooms carrying Pepper and bouncing her slightly. 

“Hey Zira, hey Crowley. Thanks for making the trek down here. Oh, Zira, could you take her for a second. I really have to use the loo.” Newt didn’t wait for Zira’s answer and suddenly her arms were full of baby. 

Crowley raised his eyebrows and took a step back. “You’ve been chosen. I’m out.”

Zira glared at him good-naturedly as he smugly removed his glasses and placed them in his shirt pocket, and she turned her attention to Pepper. She was a very adorable baby, as much as babies can be adorable, that is. Zira had always found babies to be rather...interesting looking for at least a year after they were born, before their features started to morph into real human ones. Perhaps that would change when she had her own child, but she had her doubts. 

Zira bounced Pepper like Newt had been doing and moseyed her way into the kitchen, followed at a safe distance by Crowley. 

“Can I help with anything, Ana?” she asked.

Anathema was about to say something when the doorbell rang. “Could you get that?”

“I’ve got it, Zira. You’re on baby duty.”

“Well, I’m coming too, dear. I want to see how big Warlock has gotten, you know.”

The two of them made their way back into the living room and opened the door to reveal Michael and Gabriel holding their young son. Gabriel snapped his jaw shut and pointedly looked away from his wife, and it was quite obvious to Zira that they had been having an argument right before the door had opened. 

She and Crowley shared a brief look that meant “we’ll gossip about this later” and then ushered Gabriel and Michael inside. 

“Hey you two. I’m so glad you could make it!” Zira exclaimed with a little too much excitement in her voice. She was eager not to poke the bear, as it were. (Gabriel was definitely the bear in this situation, and a scary one at that.) 

Even Crowley didn’t seem to be interested in any kind of tension, so as the couple made their way into the apartment, he leaned down and took a peek into the baby carrier in Michael’s hand. “He’s just adorable isn’t he! And really, just a large child, huh.”

Zira gave him a look. One didn’t comment on how large someone’s baby might or might not be. 

Crowley shrugged in response and turned his attention to Brian who had just run out of the kitchen, much to his mother’s dismay.

“Get back here, little man! You need to finish your food before you can watch TV,” called Anathema as she came into view in the kitchen doorway. 

Crowley helpfully steered Brian back towards Ana who smiled her thanks. “That’s it, buddy, come on. 

Newt emerged from the bathroom then and took a sleepy Pepper from Zira’s arms. She was a bit sorry to see the baby go. It was hard to admit, but she seemed to have come down with “baby fever” as of late. But it wasn’t as though she had anyone to make a baby with. She wasn’t heartbroken that she wasn’t married yet, but it sure would be nice. 

The prospect of being married and having kids seemed quite daunting and almost like a bad idea when she witnessed the chaos and fighting it created. 

Once Pepper was put down for the night and Brian was settled in front of an episode of  _ Peppa Pig _ , the six (plus baby Warlock in his carrier) sat down to a tasty, if slightly luke-warm dinner of vegetarian chili. Anathema, and by extension, Newt, had gone vegetarian when Brian turned two because she’d read that it was healthy for children. Zira could never be sure if what Ana was reading was trustworthy or not because half the time it was  _ Psychology Today _ , and the other half it was  _ Witches Monthly _ or something equally as ridiculous. Either way it affected Zira today in that she didn’t get to enjoy a good, hearty, meaty chili, but she was still mostly satisfied with the multitude of beans in her bowl. After all, she wasn’t too picky. (Except with wines, of course.)

After Newt and Ana had an argument about why the chili had gone cold and why he hadn’t warmed it up again, the dinner started off quite normal, at least by this group’s standards. Newt told a work story where he accidentally absolutely demolished a laptop by pressing the spacebar that week. He was, somehow, in tech, but something always seemed to go wrong. It was nothing short of a miracle that he still had a job. 

Gabriel bemoaned how Michael’s mother had come to visit when Warlock was born and she still hadn’t left. He then went on to say he didn’t know why they couldn’t have left Warlock with her tonight.

Zira got the feeling that Gabriel wasn’t taking to fatherhood the way Michael seemed to be taking to motherhood. 

There was also obligatory talk about Crowley’s birthday that past week and the promise of a cake that Brian had helped Newt make. Crowley didn’t tell the stupid hat story for all of their friends, and while that might have been because he was embarrassed, Zira liked to think that he wanted to keep some jokes just for the two of them.

As Anathema was telling a nonsensical story about how she had been sensing some serious magical energy from Brian lately, Warlock began to cry from his carrier on the floor. 

Michael, who seemed to be on the last thread of her patience after Gabriel’s earlier complaints, put her hand up to her mouth, trying to keep herself together. Anathema clearly saw this and spoke up.

“Here, you can put Warlock in with Pepper. There’s a monitor in there and everything.”

Michael nodded in thanks and looked to Gabriel pleadingly. 

“Oh, so now I have to do everything?” Gabriel practically shouted. “I drove us here, I dressed him this afternoon--” 

“Yeah and I pushed him out of my fucking vagina, Gabe!” Michael cut him off, standing up angrily. She picked up the baby carrier and stalked off, presumably to the nursery. 

Gabriel stood up as well and stiltedly said he needed some air. 

After Gabriel left the apartment, Crowley turned to the others and raised his eyebrows high. “Shit, what’s happening here? Are they alright?”

“Obviously not, Crowley,” replied Zira. Newt looked embarrassed and he glanced at Ana who stood up as well. 

“I’ll go check on her. They’ve been having, uh, a rough patch, let’s say.”

Newt, Zira, and Crowley sat together in a tense silence for a few minutes until it became clear that none of their friends were coming back to the table. 

“Well, it doesn’t seem like such a good time anymore, but I promised Brian we would share some of the cake he and I baked. It’s really nothing special, but he was quite proud. Do you mind sticking around for another few minutes?”

Zira and Crowley quickly shook their heads. “We’d be honored to eat your cake,” insisted Zira. 

…

“Oh my God, that was brutal,” said Crowley as he deposited himself into a seat on the train. He was wearing his sunglasses again, but even so, Zira could see his exhausted expression. 

Zira nodded and sat down next to him. “I love our friends, but wow, they were so much more pleasant before they had kids.”

“Seriously. It seems like getting married and having kids makes you so angry. Like even Newt and Ana were arguing. And they had like no control over everything going on. Don’t get me started on Michael and Gabe. I mean, he’s a garbage human and having a kid has made him no better.”

“Alright, alright, settle down, Mr. Righteous. I’m sure they’re all doing their best. Even Gabriel, though I must admit I don’t like the way he treats Michael.”

They rode in silence for a while; Zira was contemplating if she should try and call Michael later that week and give her a break from her husband. Also, that baby was very cute and she wouldn’t mind seeing him again. 

She was distracted from her reverie by Crowley’s voice several minutes later.

“It seems like having kids ruins your marriage, doesn’t it? I mean look at Gabriel and Michael. Before, they were so in love, and in lust, of course, that they couldn’t keep their hands off each other for like three years straight.”’

“That’s true. And we all had to be involved for some unfathomable reason. I once received a picture of Gabriel’s penis by mistake. He was trying to send it to Michael when he was out of town one time, but somehow it ended up seared into my brain instead.” Zira shuddered at the memory.

Crowley grimaced. “You never told me that.”

“Well, I don’t have to report to you on every penis I see, now do I?”

“Why not? I always tell you about all the genitals in my life.”

Zira swatted his arm. “Yes, and sometimes I wish you wouldn’t, you snake!”

Crowley grinned. “Naaaah, you like it.”

“Oh I do?”

“Mhm, and it will be your loss if you don’t get to hear about my sexy escapades since it’s the closest thing to action that you get most weeks.”

“Crowley! For Heaven’s sakes! I’ll have you know I went on two dates last month, thank you very much.”

“And neither of them ended in sex.”

Zira stayed silent, neither confirming or denying that claim. 

“Ah! I’m right!” Crowley cackled. 

“Oh, get stuffed you filthy thing.”

For a few more minutes Crowley did stay silent, but then he perked up again. “Don’t you think it would be easier to already have a kid before you fall in love?”

“What?”

“If you already had a kid, and then you started dating your ideal person, you wouldn’t have to worry about all the drama and hardship of having a kid together. That relationship wouldn’t be tainted.”

Zira thought “tainted” was a bit of a strong word, but she understood Crowley’s point. “So you’re saying you’d rather have kids with someone that you’re not that into and then what, break up with them for your dream person?”

Crowley nodded and hummed in agreement. He seemed to have put way too much thought into this, but Zira wasn’t about to comment on that.

“Yeah, like don’t you think it would be easier to be already divorced with kids and then you only have them half the time anyway, so you have time to find your perfect person?”

“I do not plan on getting divorced, Crowley,” Zira said, scrunching up her nose. 

Crowley threw up his hands. “Well then we could do it as friends and not get divorced!”

“We?”

A blush spread across Crowley’s pointy face and he spluttered for a second. “Well, uh, it’s just an idea. I mean we both want kids, but you saw how it changes a marriage. We aren’t together and we don’t have any plans to get together, so it makes sense. You’d be such a good mum, Zira, and I hope I’ll be a good dad.”

Zira opened and closed her mouth a few times. She’d never considered having a child with someone that she wasn’t seriously committed to. Then again, she and Crowley were the best of friends and they agreed on important issues and had the same values. Maybe he had a point, but she had to think about it and also determine if he was serious about this before she even considered agreeing. 

“You don’t have to decide now or anything, it’s just an idea. I am serious, though, Zira. I’d be honored to have a baby with you.”

Zira felt her brain short circuit and she thought she’d have to get very drunk before she could even begin to think about this absolutely ludicrous idea. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zira and Crowley come to a mutual decision and follow through with their plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe SIXTY of you subscribed!!! Wow!!! Thanks for reading! 
> 
> That being said, this is a smutty chapter, so you've been warned!
> 
> Thanks to curtaincall and jamgrl for betaing!
> 
> Edit: I forgot to thank my lovely gf, madquerade for helping me with the smut. They just didn't want to take off their clothes so I called in reinforcements ;)

Zira did get drunk. Several times that next week; far more often than she usually would, but her brain still short-circuited every time she thought about having a baby with Crowley. Crowley! Her best friend! How in Heaven were they going to do that? She didn’t mean literally. (Well, that too, actually; were they going to just...do the do? Or were there going to be _tools_ involved?) She mostly meant ‘how were two best friends going to raise a happy kid if they weren’t a proper parental team?’ But this was her and Crowley. They were perfectly compatible (as parents, of course), always on the same page, and would raise the sweetest kid on the planet. The question really wasn’t about that. No, the question was if Zira wanted to raise a kid with someone who wasn’t her _person_. Despite how difficult of a time her friends were having with their children, Zira imagined that with her perfect partner, things would be different. They wouldn’t be easy, no, definitely not, but they would be right. Could things be right with Crowley if they were just friends who happened to be co-parenting a child? (Zira carefully ignored other obvious questions relating to Crowley and the words “just friends” that her mind wanted to pose.)

Since Zira spent half the week thinking (drinking) and milling around her shop with a slight hangover, she didn’t see a lot of Crowley, other than when he passed through the bookshop on his way to work. She suspected he thought she was avoiding him, which wasn’t exactly wrong, to be fair. She needed to process. But by the end of the week, Zira had come to a conclusion.

She knocked on Crowley’s door at eight forty-five that Friday night and Crowley hollered that it was open moments later. Zira opened the door and found him eating noodles out of a Chinese takeaway container on the couch, watching a rerun of _Whose Line is it Anyway?_ , and looking rather disheveled.

“Ey, Zira, ‘ow ‘re you doin’?” Crowley asked through an unsurprisingly large bite of noodles.

“My goodness, Crowley, are you only now eating dinner?”

He shrugged, “Work ran late. Didn’t think it was worth taking a break for dinner.”

Suddenly, Zira felt a surge of anger shoot through her, and before she could get a grasp on her thoughts, she blurted out, “How can I trust you to take care of our child if you can’t even feed yourself dinner? If you don’t even think it’s _worth your while_ to have a meal, then why should I trust you to be a proper father? Really, Crowley. This is ridiculous.” She huffed and turned toward the door, fully intending to walk right out and sulk in her armchair for the rest of the evening, knowing she’d overreacted but not knowing what to do about it.

Then, she heard the distinct plop of noodles falling out of Crowley’s mouth.

“Our- our child? You mean, you mean you don’t hate me for suggesting it? I thought for sure you weren’t into the idea.”

Zira turned around, softening a bit. “Well, I won’t be if you keep denying yourself basic human needs.”

Crowley put down the takeaway container on the coffee table and muted the television. “So is this you saying yes, Zira?”

She blushed (which she hoped was faint, or indiscernible under the light of Crowley’s flat screen) and nodded. “I think it would be a beneficial arrangement for the both of us. I’d like to have a baby and I haven’t found a husband yet, and you’d like a baby as well, in order to have a child before you-”

Crowley didn’t let her finish speaking before shooting up from the couch and tackling Zira in a huge bear hug. “You said yes!” he cried out and squeezed her around the middle just a little too tightly.

“It’s not like I’ve said I’d marry you, Crowley. Honestly,” Zira chastised, but she was giggling which took all the bite out of her words.

When he finally let her go he was a bit red in the face. “Well,” he said, “marriage or not, I’m ecstatic to be having a child with you, Zira. You’re going to be so amazing and I’ll be here with you every step of the way.”

He may have continued speaking, but Zira honestly couldn’t be sure because her brain malfunctioned the moment he said “marriage or not,” as if that was even part of the equation. It most certainly was not! She did her best to push through the mental fog Crowley’s declarations had left her in and smiled genuinely. “I’m excited too, Crowley. We’re going to have a great little kid. I can feel it.”

They ended up spending the rest of the evening sitting on Crowley’s sofa, eating the rest of his quite large order of Chinese food, and laughing together at _Whose Line_. Zira was so happy. This felt like the best and most important decision of her life.

...

The next morning, Zira wasn’t quite as happy. This was due to her realization that she and Crowley had failed to discuss the _insemination process_ that they were going to utilize, and that was a conversation she was dreading. (Of course, she was still thrilled that they were doing it, she was just nervous about doing _it_.)

Although the thought of this conversation stressed her out, Zira decided it would be best to ignore her concerns for the moment and talk about it whenever Crowley decided to bring it up. Yes, that was the right idea.

She was interrupted from her thoughts by a knock at her door, which really could only be Crowley. She groaned. Maybe he’d changed his mind and she’d be saved from the awkwardness of the conversation about having sex with her best friend.

Zira dragged her feet over to the door, and she was so slow-moving that Crowley apparently felt the need to knock a second time.

“Coming!” Zira called, and moments later she reached the door and opened it to reveal Crowley, still in his sleep clothes, which happened to be basketball shorts (he didn’t even play), and a v-neck t-shirt that was inexcusably low cut. “‘Morning, dear,” she greeted him, her voice sounding more tired than she expected, “Do come in.”

Crowley seemed a bit off, so Zira led him to the sofa where they sat down beside each other.

He coughed and turned to look at the clock behind him, probably just for something to do, and then after he realised that Zira wasn’t saying anything, he turned back and cleared his throat.

“Listen, it just dawned on me that we didn’t discuss exactly how this was going to work- the impregnation, not the parenting,” he specified before Zira could jump in to protest. “I’m comfortable with most, uh, methods, but I wanted to ask your opinion.”

Zira resigned herself to having this conversation now, and sighed. “Well, I’ve read that in vitro can cost around five thousand pounds, which seems a bit foolish if we can just do it...the old fashioned way, if you will.”

She cringed at the words. It wasn’t as though she were revolted by the idea of having sexual relations with Crowley; he was, in fact, a very attractive man, but she tried not to dwell upon this fact (for her own sanity), and wasn’t particularly interested in having a conversation about their possible sex life at the moment. Still, it had to happen at some point.

Crowley didn’t seem to enjoy the phrase “old fashioned way” either, but nodded when Zira suggested that it would likely be more affordable. “Sure, I just didn’t want to assume. I feel like there should be no assumptions during this process. We’ve got to discuss everything together.”

Zira wished they never had to discuss anything ever again. “Yeah, good plan,” she agreed, instead of protesting since she knew he was right. This had been the most uncomfortable conversation of her life, but she went right on pretending she was having a jolly good time. “Well, if it’s alright with you, then it’s fine by me.” Crowley nodded, and when he didn’t seem to have anything much to say, she resigned herself to speaking again. “I suppose we should start trying soon, since you never know how long it will take to get pregnant. We may have to try several times, but with any luck we'll both be quite fertile. I’ll, um, oh Lord, let you know when I’m ovulating.” Crowley looked so incredibly overwhelmed that she took pity on him. “Never mind, dear boy. I’ll just let you know when it’s a good time.” He nodded gratefully and changed the subject.

“Should we tell Ana and Newt? It seems like something Ana would want to hear about, Heaven knows she’ll have one or forty opinions on the matter.”

Grimacing a bit, Zira nodded. “Yeah, she’d probably kill me and castrate you if we don’t tell her beforehand. Or at least before I’m quite pregnant, anyway.” She knew both she and Crowley were not anxious to tell Ana anytime soon, because Ana would bring up how she wished Zira and Crowley would get together already.

…

The next day, Zira had checked her cycle calendar and discovered that she wouldn’t be ovulating for a few more days. She and Crowley decided that this was the perfect time to tell Ana and Newt, despite their mutual hesitance.

So, there Zira and Crowley were, back on the stoop of Ana and Newt’s apartment, having made the trip out there once again. (They had both been leaning toward telling their friends over the phone, but Zira had ultimately decided that that was unacceptable. She’d then called Anathema to let her know that she and Crowley would be popping by later that Sunday afternoon with some important news. This, of course, didn't mean she wasn't feeling incredibly nervous about her choice.)

Once they were let inside their friends’ flat, pleasantries were exchanged, and children were asked after (they were both napping, thank somebody), Newt and Ana led Zira and Crowley to the sitting room.

“Soooo…” started Ana, “What’s the news!?” She practically squealed and Zira realized at that moment that she should have specified that the news didn’t concern her and Crowley becoming romantically entangled. Newt patted her on the leg, which calmed her down long enough for Zira to clear her throat and begin to explain the situation.

Once their plans were all out in the open, Anathema couldn’t seem to close her mouth. It just kept hanging there, as if she expected someone to stuff a muffin in there. Newt looked quite baffled and just as he was about to say something, Ana got control of her jaw again and spoke.

Ana leaned forward and grabbed Newt’s knee in what looked to be a painful manner. “Let me get this straight. You’re telling me that you two are not a couple, but you are going to have a child together because you think it will be easier like this than with your future partner?”

When she heard it explained so succinctly, Zira felt a bit bad about the implications that Ana and Newt were having a hard time parenting, or even that it would be better with two people who weren’t together. Crowley didn’t seem to feel that same guilt.

“Listen, Ana. We’ve seen babies take a toll on both you two and Gabe and Michael. I mean, I think Gabriel has actually gotten nastier since they created the miracle of life. We're just trying to do this in a way that preserves both of our happiness."

Zira winced at the stony expression that Ana was giving Crowley, and noticed that Newt sort of looked like he was sucking on a lemon. This was not going very well. She suspected anything she said would likely make the situation worse, but at this point she had to try if she ever wanted her friends to speak to her again.

"Ana, I'm sorry. This has all come out wrong. Basically, we just want to have a baby and don't want to wait for our perfect partner, especially since I'm not getting any younger and I haven't found someone yet. We didn't mean for it to come off as if we're doing this in a better way than you, we just hope you'll support us, dear. That's all."

Ana softened slightly but narrowed her eyes at Crowley, perhaps in warning that he'd better not say anything else. He didn't dare, which relieved Zira. 

"Alright, I'll let that," Ana gestured toward Crowley, "slide for now. Mostly because the two of you have no earthly clue how difficult it's going to be to raise a child. And really? There's nothing romantic happening here? Mm-mm, somebody's lying." Newt jabbed her in the ribs and she stopped her tirade.

"What she means to say," Newt inserted, "is that we are excited for the two of you. It's just a bit confusing. But thank you for telling us."

Anathema smiled, seeming to have gotten over her anger. "Yeah, that. Plus our kids will get to have playdates!"

Zira smiled gratefully and Crowley patted her on the arm. "Thank you, Ana," she said, getting up to hug her friend.

A few minutes later, Crowley and Zira were once again standing outside, but this time, Zira felt as if she could actually breathe properly. "Thank Heaven that's over."

Crowley nodded. "Yeah, that was rough. We'll show them how well we're going to do at parenting!"

She laughed. "I suppose we'll give it our best shot and hope we're good parents."

"You'll be an amazing mom," Crowley said, nearly right away. 

Blushing a bit, Zira replied, "And you're going to be a great dad. I know it."

...

According to her cycle calendar, Zira began ovulating that Wednesday. She stared at the message box in her text conversation with Crowley and tried to find the right way to ask Crowley if tonight was a good night to have sex. Honestly, what a thing to ask your best friend!

Well, she had to ask somehow. She settled on typing, _Are you available tonight for trying_. She decided that might not be clear enough, so she added, _I'm ovulating_. Hopefully, that would get the message across. 

Crowley texted back midway through the morning, presumably on his mid-morning break between meetings, saying _sure, i'm free. i'll bring wine_. Zira thought that was quite nice of him and smiled to herself. She was a bit concerned that this would be all too clinical, what with them having sex for the sole purpose of making a baby and since they hadn't previously been sexual partners. There was also the fear that Crowley would find her visually unappealing. She knew he found her attractive (he'd said so whenever she wore a particularly flattering dress, or skirt, or top...okay, he complimented her a lot), but that was with all of her many layers on. Who knew what he would think when they were in the thick of it. 

She stewed in her fears for several more hours, scaring away upwards of three customers with her scowl. Finally, the grandfather clock (yes, she had a grandfather clock) in her shop chimed five in the evening, and Zira decided she had worked for quite long enough, and deserved to return to her flat and eat dinner in peace. 

...

Crowley knocked on her door that evening at half-past seven with a bottle of red wine. When she opened the door, he was grinning, which put Zira at ease slightly. At least that suggested that he wasn't repulsed by their upcoming intercourse. 

"Come in, dear," she said, looking nervously up at Crowley. He thrust the wine into her arms on his way through the door. "Oh, thank you." She set off to the kitchen to get her wine bottle opener, leaving Crowley to have a seat on her couch. 

She returned momentarily with two glasses and gave them each a generous pour. 

"So," Crowley started, taking a sip of wine, "Sell any books today?"

Zira let out a long breath. She realized that her anxious brain had assumed they would be going straight to the intimacy, but Crowley acting casually calmed her a great deal. "No, I managed to keep all the books in their proper places today. Though there was one difficult man who wanted my first edition of Jane Eyre, and he put up quite a fight. Thankfully, I won."

Crowley laughed. She really did enjoy his laugh. It was hearty, yet so sweet. _No, let's not go there, thank you_. Her brain continued to fight this war between denying that she was attracted to Crowley and embracing it since they were about to become quite intimate, and why not remember how handsome her parenting partner was? She ended up settling on trying to enjoy herself and not banishing any thoughts that came across her brain. Her first thought was to take a rather lengthy sip of wine. Perhaps her lowered inhibitions would make this more fun and less panic-inducing. 

As they idly chatted, they made it through a second glass of wine, which really was helping Zira relax. It wasn't hurting that Crowley kept smiling at her in a way that she'd never seen before. From anyone else, she would have called it adoring, but that couldn't be right. Either way, it made her feel quite calm. 

Crowley was saying something about how his brother had called that week, when Zira felt emboldened with courage and placed her hand on Crowley's knee. They were tactile people, but they both seemed to know that something about this was different. He put down his wine glass and turned toward Zira, placing his hand on top of hers. 

"Are you...ready?" he asked.

Zira, surprising herself, giggled. "Yeah, let's get started." 

Her nerves threatened to return in full force if she was the one who had to initiate the kiss, but thankfully Crowley leaned in slowly. reaching up to cup Zira's chin delicately. Their lips met and all Zira could think about was how crazy it was to be kissing Crowley. 

She laughed and pulled back. "Sorry! This is just so strange all of a sudden." Crowley groaned. "I'm sorry, dear. I swear, it was lovely. Just surprised me for some reason."

Crowley shook his head in amusement and leaned in again and captured her lips for the second time. This time, it was Crowley who couldn't contain his laughter. "Damn it, Zira. You made me think too hard. Now I can't focus."

She smirked. "So _sorry_ you have to focus so _hard_ to kiss me. I didn't realize how _difficult_ this would be for you."

He growled deep in his chest and lunged forward, tipping Zira over on the couch and began kissing her with such passion that she felt all the air in her lungs rapidly exit, leaving her breathless, and causing her to reach her hands up and tangle them in Crowley's hair. He moaned and she responded in kind, arching up against his thigh. 

They broke the kiss for a few moments to breathe and then Zira decided to give in fully and enjoy the hell out of her best friend's pillowy lips. She bit and sucked and Crowley began grinding down onto her thigh. He was breathing heavily and when she reached down to grab his arse, he pulled away from her lips to suck in a gasp of air. 

"Ugh, Fuck, Zira," he groaned and dove back in for another heated kiss. 

Several long moments later, Zira could feel Crowley getting hard against her thigh and felt her desire building up in the pit of her stomach. She pushed Crowley up and off of her and whispered, "Bed. Now." 

He didn't hesitate one bit, grabbing Zira's arm and pulling her up with him. She let out a squeak and let herself be dragged to her bedroom, finding that she was enjoying this part quite a bit. 

Once they made it past the barrier of the door, all hell broke loose. She tore at Crowley's shirt, pulling it up and over his head while he pulled at her trousers. She stilled for a moment and let him undo the button, shimmying out of them as he pulled them down, hands skating her thighs as he went. She moved her hands to his trouser buttons, but found her hands were shaking too much to get a good grasp on them. 

Of course Crowley noticed. He stilled her hands with his and brought them to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to her knuckles. "Are you sure you're ready?" 

Zira swallowed thickly and nodded in response, unable to conjure any words at the sight of Crowley breathless and shirtless in front of her. 

Crowley placed a hand under her chin, tipping it up to meet his gaze. "I need a verbal answer, angel," he growled.

"Yes, God, yes." 

Then their lips were pressed together and Crowley was doing some odd snake-like movements to get his trousers off while keeping in contact with her. They walked backwards to the bed and Crowley pushed her down onto it. She fought back a moan, embarrassed to show him how much she wanted him. She wanted more than anything to completely submit to this need to be with Crowley fully, but she couldn’t let him know how desperate she was for him.

Crowley's voice, now soft and gentle, broke her from her thoughts. "You can touch me, you know. This may only be for baby-making purposes, but I want you to enjoy yourself." 

Her mouth opened and closed at a loss for words. How did he always know what she was thinking? Maybe he wouldn't mind if she expressed some of her enthusiasm. She placed her hands on his sides, following the line of his body down to his prominent cock, fully hard now, and waiting for her. She let a moan escape as the image of Crowley, her blisteringly hot best friend, pushing inside her. Crowley responded with a moan of his own that quickly turned into a throaty growl. He hungrily sucked on her neck, sliding her shirt off, unhooking her bra, and letting his body fully press against Zira's. Her vision spun as she pressed her hips upwards, demanding friction. 

"Fuck, Crowley." This was more perfect than she ever could have imagined. She hadn't, of course. Okay, maybe she had. And this was better. She reached down between the two of them and touched herself, gauging her wetness. She was already soaked and ready, slick spreading onto her thighs. 

Crowley shifted his weight onto one arm so he could caress her breasts with the other hand, taking a nipple and rolling it delicately between his fingers before replacing his fingers with his lips. 

She arched into his mouth and without thinking blurted out, "Oh God, this feels so right," and wrapped her hand around his cock, giving it a few pumps. 

He let out a soft whimper, almost indistinguishable from the hum of pleasure in Zira's own body, and sat up, stopping her hand on his cock. 

Zira froze, realizing what she had said, and rushed to correct herself. "You're doing a good job, I mean." 

Crowley's eyes were dark with passion. "I need to be inside you." 

She hadn't been expecting this level of excitement from Crowley, but she'd take it if this was her one chance to savor his intimacy.

She nodded and closed her eyes, letting Crowley line himself up. She tensed in anticipation, but tried to relax her mind and body. This was just sex. People did it all the time. _Breathe._ She took him in one tortuously slow movement and once he was finally, finally, fully seated inside her she opened her eyes. His forearms were on either side of her shoulders, hands by her head, fingers tangled in her hair, and eyes locked firmly on hers and he thrusted into her once, then twice. Her hands jumped from place to place as she tried to find a position that isn't too awkward before finally settling on balling the sheets in her fists. She needed something to anchor herself to reality. To the reality that this wasn't happening for the reasons she truly desired. 

Crowley's speed increased. "Oh, Zira, fuck. You're so good." 

Zira let out a gasp as he hit the perfect spot, she twisted the sheets and arched up, urging him to go faster as she pressed her hips up to meet his on each thrust. He was breathing hard, exhaling with each upward movement. The rhythm of it all pushed her closer and closer to the edge. Working one hand between them, she rubbed at her clit, trying to match his now-furious pace. Her other arm wrapped around Crowley, nails digging into his back. 

Crowley dropped his head to her collarbone. "Shit, fuck, I'm going to come. Are you there too?" 

"Yeah- one- more-" her words came out stilted with the uncontrolled rhythm of their love- er- sex. She gave her clit more pressure and pinched it lightly. Stars exploded in her mind as she contracted around Crowley. 

She felt him empty inside her and heard him say something, but her ears were ringing and she couldn't discern what it was he said. He collapsed on top of her, shaking, and tried to catch his breath. Once their breathing was more even, he pulled out, rolled them onto their sides, and stroked her hair. She couldn't help but wrap both her arms around him and pull herself close. 

After basking in the afterglow for a few minutes, Zira started to realize that they were cuddling. That wasn't really part of this agreement. She shifted, and pulled her arms back. 

"Well," she said. What else was there to say?

Crowley nodded. He looked a bit dazed. "Well indeed."

Zira couldn't stand to lie next to Crowley without touching him for much longer, so she came up with an excuse. "Um, I should probably shower and get to bed. But this was, er, nice?" She didn't mean to make it a question, but she couldn't control her voice anxiously veering upwards. 

Crowley seemed to get the message, and started getting dressed. "Yeah, real nice." He finished pulling on his tight jeans and grabbed his shirt from the floor. “Well, I'll see you tomorrow probably. Let me know, uh, if it takes or not."

Covering herself with the sheet, for what reason she did not know, Zira sat up and called after Crowley just as he was exiting the bedroom. "Brunch on Sunday?"

She could hear the smile in his voice when he replied, "Wouldn't miss it, angel."

...

A few weeks later, Zira took one of the frankly too many pregnancy tests she'd purchased that month and was thrilled to find out that she was pregnant. However, there was a small part of her that was disappointed. She'd thought she and Crowley would need to sleep together a few times in order to conceive, but now that she found out they didn't need to, she was a bit frustrated. Best not to let that thought percolate for too long.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zira and Crowley have an intimate encounter and a baby is born.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate the continued support and the lovely comments!
> 
> CW for vomiting.

The weeks passed easily. Things between Zira and Crowley felt mostly normal, and she could tell he was really trying to be there for her and support her. They managed to avoid all conversation relating to their  _ rendez-vous _ and Crowley didn't really seem bothered by the knowledge that they'd slept together at all. Zira wasn't sure how she felt about that. She was glad to avoid an awkward conversation, but she didn't like that there was an unspoken tension hanging between them. But, not wanting to bring it up, Zira could only wait to see if Crowley would.

At first, pregnancy treated Zira reasonably well. She had bouts of morning sickness and her fair share of sore and swollen feet, but the most difficult part for Zira was how horny she felt practically all the time. And it wasn't lust in general. It was her desire for Crowley that plagued her. There weren't any emotional issues there, of course, but every time she saw him she felt like she was moments away from jumping him. This would not do. She couldn't just go sleeping with her best friend. Again. The sex had been a one time event, for the sole purpose of making a baby. It wasn't Crowley's fault if Zira had enjoyed it entirely too much and couldn't stop thinking about it. 

It was a Sunday and it had been about two weeks since she and Crowley had spent the evening watching stupid movies, so Zira had invited Crowley round to watch  _ Sharknado _ that night in the hopes that they could blow off some steam together (no, not that way, though she would've enjoyed that too). 

Crowley arrived a little while after dinnertime. He came bearing gifts: one of her favorite plush blankets from his apartment and some fancy chocolates that he'd started bringing round recently, since she'd revealed that she was craving it.

"Ah, truly a Godsend," Zira sighed, cracking open her chocolate and sprawling on the couch, feeling large in her maternity leggings, though she was still in her first trimester. Crowley took a seat next to her, and he felt close, so close. She knew rationally that he was likely a normal distance away from her, but her skin was on fire, so it was quite difficult to tell. 

Crowley rolled his eyes. "Not a Godsend. If anything, I was sent from Hell to make you watch this ridiculous movie. You're going to have no idea what's happening to you." He laughed and Zira melted at the twinkle in his eye. 

She swatted his knee and he jokingly recoiled, rolling his body away from hers on the couch. They laughed and soon Crowley returned to the cushion next to Zira's, seemingly sitting even closer to her somehow.

After the movie had been playing for around half an hour, Zira could no longer deny the pull of Crowley's knee just inches from hers. 

She was practically vibrating at this point, and she reached out, placing her hand on his leg and gripping it slightly to stop herself from shaking. He'd been holding a mug of tea, which he slowly placed on the coffee table. Zira watched herself from above in some sort of out of body experience as her hand slid further up Crowley's leg. She heard him suck in a breath. 

"Wh- what's- what are we doing?" he asked. 

Zira froze. She didn't know what to say because she didn't know what was happening either. Her mouth opened, but she had no words.

"You don't have to...stop, if you don't want," he whispered huskily.

Zira's mind blanked out for a moment from pure desire and then she was palming Crowley's soft cock through his dark jeans. It wouldn't be soft for long if she had anything to do with it. She pushed him back onto the couch, and crawled up onto his strong, lean thighs. Once she was straddling him, Zira began unbuttoning his work dress shirt, starting with the bottom button. She had a vivid image of Crowley laying on her couch completely disheveled, wearing only his unbuttoned shirt with the sleeves rolled up to expose his muscular forearms. As she undid each button, she pressed a kiss onto the skin of his stomach and up to his chest. 

Crowley was pressing his lips together in an attempt to stay silent. She sat up a bit and caught his eye. "Please say something if you don't want to do this. We can stop."

"No! I mean, no, I don't want to stop. Please don't stop. God, you're sexy."

Zira didn’t bother trying to fight the smile that sprang to her lips. "Good, now back to business." She unbuttoned the last three buttons of Crowley's shirt and slid both hands up his collarbone and onto his neck. His jaw fell open as she gently massaged the side of his neck. Then, she settled herself on top of his now hardening cock and began kissing him, moving to suck on his neck with a sense of purpose she'd never before felt while making out. 

Crowley groaned and grabbed her upper arms. "Wait, wait, hold on." 

She gave his neck one last nip and pushed herself up with shaky arms.

Crowley was out of breath, as much as Zira was, but he managed to calm himself for a moment and speak. "Can't have a hickey on my neck. Work, I've got a work thing tomorrow."

Zira huffed good-naturedly. "Alright then." She lowered herself back down onto Crowley's chest and latched her mouth onto Crowley's earlobe instead. He groaned. 

"Fuck, Zira, Jesus." 

She grinned against his neck and then moved lower, sucking a tiny love bite onto Crowley's collar bone, and then licking circles around his nipples, teasing him until he started whining. "Needy, aren't we?" she said, smirking. 

He replied by pushing her off towards the other end of the couch and climbing on top of her. "Alright, I let you take charge, but your teasing was getting out of hand,"' he said, demonstrating by brushing her nipples through her shirt and bra, "and I need to remedy that. You dish it out, so you'd better be able to take it."

Crowley sounded almost drunk, but Zira knew he was sober. He was drunk on pleasure and desire, same as her. He pulled her shirt up and started placing kisses all over her stomach. She usually hated other people touching her stomach, but something about Crowley's soft touch and kind lips made her enjoy the contact. She made a small sound in the back of her throat which spurred Crowley on and he helped her sit up a bit to take her shirt all the way off. 

Zira was laying in front of Crowley with only a bra covering her and she knew she'd usually feel nervous and vulnerable, but this was Crowley. Sure, they'd done this once before, but she'd been a bit tipsy. Now, she was only hazy from kissing Crowley's neck, and she didn't feel scared at all, only excited for what he would do next.

That turned out to be kissing the top of each of her breasts, and then gently tracing around her rather large, silky bra. Sometimes, Zira felt like her breasts were too big, but when Crowley's hands were caressing her, they felt like the perfect size. Crowley seemed to think so as well, because he reached around and began teasing her with the clasp of her bra. 

"Oh, God, Crowley. Touch me, please."

Crowley hummed. "If you insist, I suppose I could oblige.” He slid a hand down between her legs and through the soft material of her leggings, he stroked her center as he leaned down and began sucking on her neck. 

Out of nowhere, Zira felt something in her stomach twist.  _ No, no, no. Not right now. Please, no. _ It was happening. She was going to throw up all over Crowley if she didn't get to the toilet right that moment.

She pushed him back, off of her and she quickly extracted herself from underneath him. The path to the bathroom was, thankfully, clear and she was able to make it in time. Crowley dashed after her; having been privy to this kind of event several times, (both during the pregnancy and before, in the aftermath of a particularly wild night) he knew what was happening and how to help. 

Zira was embarrassed, though.  _ Who the hell throws up in the middle of heavy petting?  _ She tried to slam the bathroom door behind her as she rushed to the toilet, but Crowley caught it and the moment she bent over, he was there, holding her hair back like he had every other time. She felt a tear run down her face as the contents of her stomach unceremoniously exited her body. 

When she finished, Crowley gently laid her hair down onto her back, and took a step back. Zira cleared her throat. "Can you please go? I need a minute." 

Crowley nodded, his expression sympathetic, and he softly left the bathroom, closing the door behind him. 

After he left, Zira closed the toilet and reached up from the floor to flush it. Her body wasn't ready to stand. And she wasn't ready to face Crowley. What had they been doing? God, this had been a bad idea, and the worst part was she was still outrageously turned on. It wasn't fair. No one would want to kiss her now. Not that she and Crowley should even be kissing. They were just friends. 

In a few minutes, Zira was able to pick herself off the bathroom tile and rinse out her mouth at the sink. She then headed to her bedroom to put on a shirt and get rid of her too-tight bra. (Her pregnancy boobs were coming in and she hadn't bothered to get a new bra yet.) 

When she returned to the sitting room, Crowley was sitting on the couch all buttoned up and other than being a bit disheveled, he looked as if nothing had happened. Great. Maybe they could just ignore this. Either way, she knew Crowley, and he was going to be far more worried about Zira's health than whose tongue was recently on whose neck. 

He opened his arms to her and Zira, still slightly embarrassed, tumbled into his lap. He was warm and she was welcome. It was the best she'd felt all week, and in Crowley's cozy embrace she could almost forget that she’d nearly slept with her best friend. Again. 

...

Crowley stayed the night. Right there on the couch with Zira in his arms. Even though he had some sort of Saturday meeting the next morning, he still stayed. She wanted to kiss the hell out of him, but she didn’t.

After he left that morning, they didn't talk about what had happened. Well, nothing that had happened before the throwing up. He did show up at her door that Saturday evening to make sure she was doing all right, and she didn't have the heart to tell him that she'd thrown up twice already that day. There was no reason for him to know how often morning sickness was affecting her. They weren't together.

But still, why hadn't he mentioned their make-out session? Had he not enjoyed himself? Zira wanted to ask, but she wasn't ready to stoop so low. She wanted him, yes, but she wasn't going to be pathetic about it. She didn't want to bring it up again, since Crowley had been very clear that they were doing this parenting thing as _ friends _ . Well, someone had been very clear, anyway; it was difficult to remember whose idea this even had been. 

So, Zira kept to herself the next few days, hoping Crowley didn't think their friendship was ruined. For Heaven's sake, they'd slept together all those weeks ago, and nothing had gone wrong in their friendship. What could a little making out really do? They were just friends who, on occasion, lost track of the boundaries between friends and lovers. And to be even more fair, Zira had been dreadfully randy from the hormones. (Though, she could admit that that hadn’t been the sole reason for her desire. Part of that could be blamed on her next door neighbor’s toned legs and fiery red hair.)

Zira had an ultrasound later that week and Crowley came along, acting as if everything was normal except for the fact that he was wearing his sunglasses indoors. Once she saw her baby on the monitor, and knew everything was going well with her pregnancy, there was space freed up in Zira's brain to feel a little frustrated, or maybe offended that Crowley didn't really seem affected at all by their recent encounter any more than he had been by the first. 

As she rode home silently in Crowley’s passenger seat, she decided they needed to have a discussion. Thankfully, she had the rest of the drive to work up the courage. When they reached the bookshop, Zira spoke instead of getting out right away. 

"Look, Crowley, about the other night-"

He crossed his arms across his chest. "Right, I, uh..."

Zira realized she didn't want to hear him say that he was only interested in sex, so she cut in before he could. "What we did was fun, and I appreciated your um, enthusiasm, but I don't think it's a good idea to keep...being intimate. We have this baby to focus on, you know."

"Right," Crowley repeated. "I feel the same. Yeah. Definitely. Well," he gestured toward the road. "I have to get back to work. So. I'll see you later then."

She nodded and gave a small parting wave as she walked toward the stairs to her apartment. Why did she feel worse, now that she'd straightened things out?

...

The rest of Zira's pregnancy was so incredibly uncomfortable that she barely thought about sex at all for the next six months. On the one hand, she was grateful for the distraction, but on the other, she wished the distraction didn't involve incredibly terrible back and abdominal pain and exhausting insomnia. 

After their awkward conversation, Zira refused to let her and Crowley's little...intimate encounter affect her, and Crowley acted much the same. With Zira's pregnancy affecting her so aggressively, it meant that Crowley was around her apartment twice as often as he'd ever been before. He was there in the mornings, like clockwork, to help her wake up, and, towards the end of her pregnancy, to help her actually  _ get  _ up. And then, half of the time, he came home from the office on his lunch break to sit with her in the bookshop, or take a turn shooing customers away. He was also there in the evenings to make sure she ate a nutritious dinner and was able to get to sleep. 

She was very glad to have Crowley, and glad for all the things he was doing for her, but she was also starting to depend on him. And she was beginning to hope that he had feelings for her. She wasn't supposed to need someone else like this. She was independent and did perfectly well on her own. She accepted that she should let him help her with some things— after all it was his baby that she was carrying— but she felt sometimes that what he was doing was more like what a husband would do and less like what a best friend and co-parent would do.

For example, he would rub her feet every night that she so much as groaned about being in pain. A foot massage between friends might have been normal, had it only happened once or twice, but four days out of the week for several consecutive weeks was crossing some sort of romantic line. But, he never brought it up, so she didn't either.

Despite Crowley's lack of romantic declarations, Zira was beyond thankful for his help with washing up, and for vacuuming, and for being an amazing friend.

...

Zira's water broke mid-morning on the Monday before she was due, and she immediately called Crowley. He showed up at the bookshop much too quickly for someone driving from across the city, but at that moment, Zira didn't care. She just wanted to get this little demon out of her. She didn't even comment when he drove twice as fast as normal on the way to the hospital, just tried to breathe and not have a baby in the front seat of Crowley's Bentley.

Surprisingly, Zira's labor was relatively painless. Well. There was plenty of pain, but it didn't drag on for an obscene number of hours like it did for some of the women she'd read about in one of her parenting magazines. 

The first moment she was allowed to hold her son made every ache and pain she'd suffered throughout her pregnancy completely worth it. When she watched Crowley cradle the baby in his skinny arms, she was overjoyed, but also wished she could kiss him. That thought was quickly pushed away by exhaustion, but it continued to lurk in the corners of her mind. 

They named their baby boy Adam. Crowley had been jokingly campaigning for Chad, but Zira had pushed back with increasingly more ridiculous religious names, making it all the way to Sandalphon before Crowley had relented and agreed on Adam. 

It was an overall, quite joyous day. Zira's mother was there, judging her life choices, but at least she wrote a check after passive-aggressively commenting on the shape of Crowley's nose and how Adam had the same one. Ana and Newt were there to congratulate the new parents and to wish them good luck for the next few weeks which they predicted would be "very difficult." Zira had no doubt about it. Even Michael and Gabriel were there, but Gabriel didn't come any further than three steps into the room. Michael tried to make excuses for him, but Zira waved them off, insisting she was glad they'd made it and not to worry at all.

...

Living across the hall from your infant-papa (or fetus-father, or whatever it was that the kids said) turned out to be more convenient than Crowley and Zira had realized, but after the first few nights in their separate apartments, it ended up not being convenient enough. After the second night Zira showed up at his door with their screaming baby, Crowley suggested that he sleep on Zira's couch so as to be only a few steps away when Adam started crying. She was a bit reluctant and felt insecure that she, as his mother, couldn't manage him on her own for eight hours, but her need for sleep won out and she allowed Crowley to take up residence in her living room for the time being. 

They decided to take turns getting up when Adam started to cry, but Zira realized pretty quickly that Crowley was taking more than his share of the night time duties. Her heart warmed in her chest and she smiled to herself in bed, the cries of her son and the quiet singing of her...Crowley...in the background. 

Crowley's job permitted a three month paid paternity leave, which worked out quite well, since Zira wasn't able to shut down the bookshop, only to cut her hours in half. However, she was too tired most of the time to be the hard-ass anti-salesperson she usually was, so Crowley would bring Adam down to the bookshop and sprawl on the couch by the register and tend to the baby. He'd tried to convince Zira to rest while he ran the bookshop but that didn't go over well, so instead, he stepped in for her when a very persistent customer tried extremely hard to purchase a book. He also kept Zira entertained and awake when there were no customers and she needed a break from repairing the spine of some book or another. 

One of the most adorable things to come out of Crowley becoming a father was the fact that he loved to carry Adam around in a baby carrier on his chest. And when he was wearing the carrier he couldn't sit down, he would pace, and describe complicated scientific studies, pausing every few minutes to check in with Adam. (He'd read that it was important to speak proper words and sentences to your baby so that they would learn to speak well, so naturally he chose to tell the baby about soil science.) But the most adorable part was when the three of them hung out in Crowley's apartment and Crowley would take Adam in the sling to water the plants with him. He was ever so nice to the plants now, which Zira though was quite cute. He explained to Adam how one must be firm with one's plants and then they would obey your wishes, but for Adam's well-being, he did not demonstrate this with his usual yelling. Instead he would pick up Adam's little hand and point it at a plant, saying, "Would you please grow Mr. Plant? I'd like that very much."

The first time Zira witnessed this, she had to excuse herself to burst into a fit of uncontrollable giggles in another room. 

It was the simple things that were important. Zira savored every moment of peace and quiet, rarely getting to even pick up a book. Sometimes, Crowley would sense her deep desire to read and he would take Adam over to his apartment for a while. Today, however, Crowley had been pacing around describing how to file one's taxes until he'd finally worn Adam out with his monologue. He'd sat down in the recliner across from Zira, who was sitting on the sofa, and gently removed Adam from his sling. He then carefully leaned back in the chair and laid Adam across his chest. 

"Read to us?" Crowley asked, his eyes drooping slightly. 

Zira smiled. "Of course." She held up her book. "I was just in the middle of rereading  _ Mansfield Park _ . Is that alright?"

Crowley nodded his approval and Zira began to read. Within minutes, Crowley, with Adam resting comfortably on his chest, slipped into a deep sleep. 

Zira realized in that moment that she was in love. Crowley had turned out to be the best person to have a child with and she couldn't help herself falling deeper and deeper for him. He doted on her and Adam constantly and did much of the less desirable chores relating to child rearing. She sometimes found herself wondering, in moments like these, why they weren't a couple. She could imagine it. The two of them living together in her quaint apartment, or moving out and finding a place with a backyard for Adam. They would sleep next to each other and she would be able to kiss him whenever she wanted. 

But it would never happen. Crowley didn't want her like that. Zira wished, but she understood that she wasn't the prettiest pearl in the necklace, and she was beyond glad to have Crowley in her and Adam's lives. 

But bugger all, she was in love with the father of her son, and wasn't that just  _ perfect. _


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zira and Crowley run into an obstacle.

_ Six months later _

Zira crossed her legs underneath herself on her apartment couch and leaned back into the soft pillows. God, she was exhausted. Crowley had volunteered to take care of putting Adam to sleep after Zira had fed him, and so she was enjoying a moment of silence on the couch with a glass of sparkling grape juice (hey, wine wasn’t allowed while breastfeeding; she did what she had to do).

But of course, there had never really been a moment of silence inside Zira’s head since she realized she was in love with the man putting their child to sleep in the next room. Fuck, she really couldn’t keep falling any further. But God, if it wasn’t tempting.

Crowley returned from the nursery a few minutes later, sat down next to Zira, and poured himself a glass of wine from the coffee table.

“Lucky bastard,” muttered Zira, with a smile teasing her lips.

Crowley laughed lightly. “Sorry, angel.” He leaned over and pecked Zira on the cheek. She waited for him to pull away but he lingered with his face practically pressed up against hers. When he didn’t pull away, she reached up and laid her shaking hand on his cheek and kissed him on the lips, gently at first, but quickly turning greedy. God, they were kissing. She was terrified, but exhilarated at the same time. It felt like both years and seconds since their last passionate kiss in Zira's sitting room. She put her glass down and placed her other hand on Crowley's neck. A few moments passed and then Crowley froze and pulled back. 

"Shit. Shit, I really shouldn't be doing that." He leaned away and wiped his sweaty hands on the thighs of his jeans. "I shouldn't have let you do that." 

Zira was confused. He'd kissed her back, so what was the problem? Why couldn't he be kissing her? Instead of asking either of these questions, out of fear that the answer would be devastating, she said, "Oh, um, well. It's those hormones you see. New mother and all. Nothing to worry about." She could almost convince herself that was why she'd kissed him. 

Crowley stood up, avoiding eye contact with Zira, who was looking up at him with the most composed expression she could muster. "I'm seeing someone. I can't go around kissing other people when I'm seeing someone. I'm sorry, angel."

_ Seeing someone? _ "Don't call me that." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. She hadn't meant to say that. She hadn't meant to show her hand.  _ Quick, say something. Fix this!  _ "I mean, um, your significant other probably wouldn't like that. Sounds weird, yeah?"

He looked her in the eyes then. Shit, maybe she hadn't covered it. She sucked in a breath. But then, Crowley opened his mouth to speak and she let out her breath as he spoke, apparently ready to ignore her outburst. "Their name is Beez. We've been together for three weeks. I meant to tell you, we're just so busy with Adam, so I didn't get around to it. And I would never have brought them over here without your permission, of course. I'm sorry I didn't mention it. I didn't think we would-" he paused.

Suddenly, Crowley was on the couch next to her again. He was a breath away from her lips and he grabbed her waist. "Tell me to break it off. If you tell me to break it off, I will. I will, Zira. Please. Tell me." He kept leaning in until their foreheads were touching and his lips were slightly parted. 

Time seemed to freeze, and Zira felt her head spinning. With all of her heart, she wanted to kiss him, to tell him to dump this Beez person. Tell him to be hers and hers only. 

She couldn't do it. If Crowley was so ready to leave his current significant other for her, how did Zira know he wouldn't readily leave her when the next skinny, shiny person came along. She couldn't be another notch on his bedpost. She would rather be friends and co-parents to a lovely little baby, than be one of Crowley's flings, only to be tossed aside when he opened his eyes and really looked at her. She couldn’t let herself fall any further for him, just for Crowley to get bored of her, or realize that it wasn’t real, that it had just been because she was family, and that they had a kid together. Or even worse, for him to pity her. And the baby, of course. What would their eventual separation do to Adam? No. This had to stop. She couldn't kiss him. 

Zira pushed Crowley away with a hand on his chest and time restarted. It might, in fact, have tripled in speed. 

Crowley crumpled a bit and slumped down onto the other side of the couch. "Oh."

Zira had the realization that she wasn’t going to get through this conversation without crying. Better to make it quick then.  _ Hurry up, ruin the only good relationship you’ve ever had (because it isn’t real). _

She finally spoke before he could say anything else, but she only managed a strangled, "I can't.”

"Yeah, I got that."

The tears were gathering in Zira’s eyes as she shook her head again. “I can't do this.” She gestured between the two of them. “I can't keep pretending we're a real family.”

A tear slipped out of Zira’s eye and Crowley reached over and caught it with his thumb. “What do you mean? Of course we're a real family. We just never said we weren't dating other pe-"

“Please,” Zira interrupted in a whisper. She couldn’t hear Crowley tell her he wasn't in love with her. Not when it wouldn’t last. They would grow old as co-parents, but they weren’t meant to be together.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t- Crowley, you’re an amazing father and I couldn’t have gotten through this without you, but we really can’t go on pretending like this.”

“But I’m not pretending! This is real! We're a family. A bit unorthodox, but a family.”

Zira burst into tears loudly, in part because she couldn’t hold them in any longer, and partly because she couldn’t bear to hear him keep lying to her.

Crowley held her until she stopped sobbing and they sat together in a heavy silence.

“Can you please sleep at yours tonight?” Zira asked, her voice rough from crying.

Crowley looked utterly blindsided by this whole incident, but he must’ve seen how much pain Zira was in, so he obliged and stood up from the couch. “Holler if Adam wakes up again and you need help. Can we- can we talk in the morning? I still don’t know if I quite- Anyway. Goodnight, angel.”

Zira managed to hold in her next round of tears until Crowley had left her apartment, and then she cried herself to sleep on the sofa, holding on to that last kiss they’d shared.

...

They did talk in the morning, but Zira didn't have anything to say. Crowley was wearing his sunglasses, sparing her from being forced to look him in the eyes. He spoke, but his words floated through her as if she were a ghost. 

“-and maybe we shouldn’t have-”

Evidently, Crowley had been the glue holding her together as a person, and she'd gone and fucked that up. 

“-but I don’t understand why you let me-”

He was saying something. Definitely something important, but all Zira could do was stare straight ahead.

At some point, Crowley threw up his arms and raised his voice briefly. “Are you even listening to me? God, Zira, I’m trying to talk to you here!”

Zira couldn’t muster any kind of facial expression throughout the entire conversation until he yelled and she suddenly started openly weeping. She half expected Crowley to draw her close again and kiss the top of her head, but he just stood against the wall of her hallway and crossed his arms across his body, protecting himself. 

Zira managed to get herself under control and return to the world of the living, only to see that Crowley had gone into Adam's nursery and picked the half-smiling baby out of his crib and was rocking him gently. She thought this might be what it felt like when your heart shattered. This perfectly imperfect man, her perfect man, was standing paces away, holding their beautiful child, but she couldn't let herself have this. There was too much at stake. Too much to lose. They weren't a family.

Crowley leaned down to replace Adam into his crib. When he stood up, she noticed a tear running down his left cheek. It dropped onto his t-shirt before he bothered to wipe at his eyes. Zira looked away so that he wouldn't see her staring. 

Quietly shutting the nursery door, Crowley joined Zira in the hallway again, and she could see how red his eyes were. 

When she didn't say anything, he made a face that he might have intended to come across as a smile and then headed for the door. His hand touched the doorknob and Zira couldn't stop herself from speaking. "I didn't mean it, Crowley." He turned around. "We are a family. We're just not the kind of family I thought. I'm sorry."

Crowley shook his head and pursed his lips. "We aren't what I thought either, Zira." 

...

The next day was Monday, so Zira and Adam didn't see Crowley until after he was finished with work. He knocked at around six forty-five and Zira let him in. 

Crowley was wearing his sunglasses again.  _ Would this be a regular occurance now? _ Had she been reduced to the level of a stranger, a person he didn't feel comfortable sharing his feelings with? Crowley was tense. More tense that she'd ever seen him. He said a quiet "hello" to Zira and knelt down to say hi to Adam who was on the living room floor playing on one of those mats that had a tiny mobile hanging above it. Zira watched him smile at Adam and hold his tiny hand and coo at him about how he'd definitely gotten bigger since yesterday. 

For one last moment, she allowed herself to imagine this was real. 

But her thoughts were quickly interrupted by Crowley standing up. "I'm moving out," he said quietly, looking down at his shoes. 

"You're- you're what?" Zira's mind wasn't computing properly and thought that perhaps her hearing was failing. That would make more sense than what she thought she heard him say. 

Crowley looked up at her with a face that said,  _ Please don't make this difficult _ . "Look, I can't live here anymore, Zira. I can't be your next door neighbor right now. I mean we practically live together, and we can't do that anymore. I have Beez, and I can't keep sleeping on your couch, anyway."

Zira surprised herself by taking a steadying breath. "You want to move away from your son? To be with your  _ partner _ instead?"

"Zira, God. No, that's not why I'm doing this. You know that isn't why. But I can't live here right now. This is your space, and I need my own. You were kind enough to let me live across from you for so many years and now I need to do you a favor and move out," he replied, not softening the blow at all. She didn't deserve for him to be gentle with her. "And it's not like we won't see each other. We'll bring Adam to each other's places and all that." Zira felt tears welling up in her eyes, but she let him continue. "I've signed a lease for a flat in Mayfair. It's not that far away, so it won't be a big deal to bring Adam round. I move out tomorrow."

Without enough warning, a few of Zira's tears escaped and her voice was hoarse. "I know you're upset, Crowley, but please don't take it out on our son. Remember how we talked about how amazing it would be when he gets older and can run between both of our apartments whenever he wants. He won't be able to do that if you leave. Please," she begged, her voice cracking, "don't leave..." She left the “me” unsaid, but she hoped that behind his sunglasses was an expression of understanding. 

At that moment, Adam started crying on his play-mat, which gave Zira an excuse to hide her tears and focus on the baby. She picked him up and laid him against her chest and calmed him with soothing rubs on his back. In calming Adam, Zira managed to (mostly) calm herself. 

After a few deep breaths, Zira had her head on straight. She couldn't rightfully ask this man who didn't love her to continue practically living in her sitting room. That wasn't fair. Nothing about this was fair. She wanted him to stay anyway, but she couldn't force him if he was uncomfortable living across the hall from her. She loved him, but she couldn't bear the pain of being with him if he didn't truly love her. If, no,  _ when _ things went wrong between then, the pain would be too much, and then their child would have to live life with parents who hated each other, instead of a mum and dad who were friends. Best friends, if they could ever reach that point again. She supposed they would just need to take some time to get over their feelings and then their relationship could go back to the way it used to be. Right?

Zira snapped back to reality after realizing she'd been lost in space for a few moments. She set Adam back on the play mat and stood up slowly. In her most composed customer service voice, Zira spoke again. "I'm happy you found a satisfactory flat. And I'm glad it's not far. Well. I guess I'll be seeing you. Let me know when you'll have time to see Adam. I'll have my phone on me. Have a good day, dear." 

Crowley looked a bit like he'd experienced whiplash from Zira's quick turn from practically sobbing to completely calm. Taking advantage of this, Zira was able to usher him out the door quickly, before she collapsed on the floor next to Adam. 

She had thought that it would be painful to be without Crowley romantically, or not to spend as much time with him because he had this significant other, Beez, but she hadn't even considered how much she would ache if Crowley moved out and practically removed himself from her life. If it weren't for Adam, she might never have seen him again! What kind of a goodbye was that?  _ Sorry, angel, suddenly I'm thoroughly into this tosser and I've got no time at all for the woman I used to spend every weekend with.  _ Zira wanted to cry, to absolutely lose it right there on the floor next to their child, but she knew that if she did that, Crowley would hear her. A part of her wanted to make a racket and make Crowley feel guilty for leaving her alone to suffer. Then again, Zira wasn't actually very interested in seeing Crowley again at this very moment. 

So, she picked herself, and Adam up off the floor and carried him off to bed. She didn't make it much longer herself; her book that week,  _ A Grief Observed _ by C.S. Lewis was hitting too close to home, so she set it down and resigned herself to sleep not long after. 

Before she was fully out, she thought perhaps she and Adam would go see Ana tomorrow. Anathema would let her have a good cry and give her some advice (even if she also wanted to do a tarot reading for Zira).

...

Anathema did in fact let Zira have a good cry. She listened while Zira explained the whole situation and nodded along at all the right points. Ana had the courtesy not to say that she'd known Zira was in love with Crowley the whole time, though Zira could tell she was thinking it. She rubbed Zira gently on the back and let her take a nap on her and Newt's impossibly soft couch, promising to wake her if Adam woke up from his nap in Pepper's crib. 

After her much needed nap, Zira insisted Ana let her bake her brownies as a thank you. This proved to also be a good time for Ana to corner her and take out her literally  _ page long _ list of eligible men for Zira to date. 

This was going to be okay. If she said it enough times over in her head, then it had to be true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, all I can say is I'm sorry!! It will turn out alright in the end, I promise!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zira, Crowley, and their friends go on a seaside holiday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to curtaincall for beta'ing and to all of you for reading!

_Eight months later_

Adam's first birthday came and went. Zira and Crowley's friends threw a small party at Ana and Newt's apartment, which consisted mostly of Brian trying to carry each of the babies (one at a time, of course) around the flat, and Ana trying to stop both Michael and Gabriel and Zira and Crowley from arguing. It turned out to be a less than perfect celebration, but Zira appreciated it none-the-less.

Michael and Gabriel had been in the middle of a fight about whether or not Warlock, who was a little under two now, should ever be dressed in pink, or if he should only wear blue. Unfortunately, Gabriel had been winning. Zira had tried to share a look with Crowley, but he'd pretended to be focusing deeply on a bit of food stuck in Adam's little baby wisps of hair. 

Anathema had asked both Crowley and Zira not to bring their significant others, and though they both obliged, Zira was unable to keep from bragging about Daniel in front of Crowley. She'd started dating her new beau about two months after she and Crowley had...well, not broken up, but decided not to pursue a relationship. He was a stocky, broad-shouldered man, and he was everything Crowley wasn't. His sandy brown hair was cut short; Crowley had grown out his hair recently, and generally pulled some of it back with a hair-tie (damn if that wasn't cute). Daniel's arms were sturdy and muscular while Crowley's were thin and noodle-like. Some nights, Zira repeated a list of the ways Daniel was better than Crowley in order to convince herself that she preferred him. It was almost working. 

Several weeks after Adam's semi-failure of a birthday party, the group had planned a trip to St. Ives in Cornwall to go surfing and hang around the beaches as one big family for a long weekend. This had not been Zira's idea. The suggestion came, ostensibly, from Ana and Newt, though Zira thought it might have actually been Michael's idea, perhaps to try and reenergize her and Gabriel's relationship. (Their marriage had not gotten better in the last year. In fact it had gotten much worse. There had even been occasions on which Gabriel had stayed at a hotel overnight, instead of with his wife and son.) While Zira felt sad for Michael and her unending struggle to save her marriage, she did not want to go on this retreat. First off, she didn't surf. She had never tried, but it didn't seem like she was built that way. Second, she didn't want to go on holiday with Crowley. She especially didn't want to go on holiday with Crowley and his partner, Beez. They were disgustingly in love, which not only hurt Zira to the core, but annoyed her incredibly, mostly because she was forced to see Beez several times a month when dropping off and picking up Adam. 

Ana had pleaded with Zira, and she'd eventually agreed to the holiday, on the condition that she could bring Daniel as well. He hadn't spent a lot of time with Adam, but this retreat would be the perfect time to change that. They could really be something if she only allowed him the chance, and now was the time.

St. Ives was a little over five hours away, so the friends agreed that driving would be the best option. Zira and Daniel briefly discussed carpooling, but it became apparent that they didn't want to ride with Michael and Gabriel, for fear of accidentally witnessing one of their arguments. Anathema and Newt's car was too small to share, and Crowley would be bringing Beez along. Zira wasn't interested in sharing a space with those two for any longer than she had to. In the end, Zira and Daniel ended up taking their own rented car, even though it seemed silly for the group to take four cars. 

Daniel was a perfectly lovely man; he was an insurance salesman and was completely unbothered by Zira and Crowley's unconventional parenting arrangement. He didn't quite seem to understand why the pair of parents had such a tense relationship, seeing as they'd chosen to have a baby as friends, but Zira didn't feel the need to enlighten him as to why that was. 

The drive up to the cottage they'd all rented together was perfectly pleasant for Zira. She and Daniel had agreed to take Adam, since Crowley had proclaimed that he and Beez wanted some "romantic time alone." Zira didn't mind, per se, but didn't really appreciate the implication that she and Daniel didn't need alone time as well. In any case, Adam slept most of the way, thankfully, and after about an hour of listening to Daniel discuss work and his sister's new boyfriend, Zira begged off from talking any more and fell asleep with her cheek against the window. 

...

Ana and Newt beat everyone to the cottage, and were inside taking stock of the bedrooms and changing their kids into bathing suits when Zira and Daniel arrived. She explained to them that she and Newt and the kids had taken the biggest room towards the back of the cottage that boasted an extra twin bed, since they had the most people per room. Zira had brought along Adam's travel crib, which Crowley had purchased earlier in the year with the intention of taking the baby along on a camping trip he wanted to take with Beez. 

Zira decided on a smaller room more toward the front of the house. It had a nice sized bed and room for Adam's crib. She didn't set it up yet, because she intended to have a conversation with Crowley about who was taking Adam on which nights. 

Soon enough, Michael and Gabriel arrived, and then Crowley and Beez, who had been tasked with stopping at a nearby grocery store and stocking up on food for the first day or so. Ana had suggested a picnic at the beach for dinner the first night, and everyone had been quite receptive. 

The group made their way to the beach once all the children (and adults) had changed and gone to the loo. They settled down on a conglomeration of picnic blankets and beach towels and Crowley set about passing around food. 

"This looks delicious, Crowley," Michael said, politely. She was in a rather nice mood seeing as Gabriel had his mouth full and wasn't currently clogging the air with his opinions. 

Zira echoed Michael's sentiment, and Crowley smiled genuinely at her, surprising her a bit. She responded with a small smile. It was still a bit difficult to look Crowley properly in the eye. The wound of Crowley's departure had healed over, but the ache had yet to disappear. 

The food was in fact, delicious, which Crowley credited to Beez, for their "eye for that sort of thing." Zira thought this didn't make much sense, since it wasn't like Beez had actually made the sandwiches or baked the potato crisps.. She tried to keep those thoughts inside her head and not display them on her face. Judging by the confused look Daniel gave her, she didn't completely succeed. 

Ana might have sensed some strange tension on the beach, or perhaps wanted to interest Brian in finishing his food, because she asked, "After we have supper, does anyone want to get in the water? Maybe if you ask politely, kiddos, Uncle Crowley will help you build a sandcastle!" 

Crowley nodded enthusiastically at Brian, Pepper, and Ana and gestured to Beez. "I'd love to help! And actually, Beez is an architect, which means they help create buildings every day!"

He said it with such excitement that Brian and Pepper practically hovered off the blanket and Zira had to cough to contain her giggle. Crowley really had a way with kids. That was why she had chosen to have a baby with him, she supposed. But now, instead of being the fun aunt and uncle together, Crowley shared the cool parent-slash-friend spotlight with _Beez_ , the _architect_. 

Zira tried to be content with babysitting the little ones with Daniel while the other two couples took early evening walks down the beach. 

...

That evening, around Adam's bedtime, Zira beckoned Crowley over into a corner. He made one last silly face at Warlock and half-jogged over to Zira. 

"What's up?"

"Hey, so I was wondering what you were thinking about sleeping arrangements for Adam. Maybe we can trade off nights? Daniel and I can take him tonight, but then switch?"

Crowley gave a sheepish smile. "Uh, I don't know if it's going to be a good idea to have Adam in mine and Beez' room...We get kind of uhh, loud at night, if you know what I'm saying."

Zira desperately wanted to tell him that she didn't know what he was talking about, and force him to explain it, but unfortunately, she was very aware of his meaning. "Great. Perfect. So glad you're discounting the fact that maybe Daniel and I wanted to engage in some intimate activities!"

"Angel-"

"Don't. Please. Goodnight, Crowley." She turned around and walked toward her bedroom where Daniel was already assembling Adam's travel crib. Fighting the unwanted urge to cry, both at Crowley's inconsiderate assumption and at how sweet Daniel was being, Zira joined her boyfriend and scooped Adam up from the bed. "Thanks, my dear. It seems we'll be keeping Adam in here, so I appreciate your help with the crib.” 

Daniel smiled and Zira tried her damndest to feel butterflies. 

...

The next morning, everyone was up and about bright and early. Michael made crêpes with Warlock on her hip, while Gabriel, Crowley, and Beez compared the best surfing destinations in St. Ives. Anathema hovered between the kitchen and her kids who were playing on her iPad, and Newt chopped up bananas. Zira and Daniel sat around the kitchen table, Zira doing a crossword puzzle while trying not to look at Crowley, and Daniel was bouncing Adam on his lap. 

"Aagh, Cripey!" Newt hollered. 

Everyone's heads snapped up from what they were doing at Newt's strangled scream. Ana and Zira scurried over to him, and found that he'd cut his hand while chopping up a banana. (Zira privately thought that this was a very _Newt_ thing to do. He was always injuring himself or breaking something in the most unusual way. It could almost be called a gift. Zira also privately thought that Crowley would have laughed at her commentary, but that was really beside the point, wasn't it?) At that moment, Warlock, still holding onto his mother, began howling at the top of his tiny lungs and, seeing that Newt wasn't fatally injured, Ana rushed over to take Michael's place as the crêpe-maker. Gabriel looked about ready to say something, and heaven knew it wouldn't be something nice, so Zira stepped in.

"I'll fix him up, Ana, don't worry. Come along, Newt." Zira beckoned for Newt to follow as she headed toward the bathroom where she'd spotted a first-aid kit the night before. 

Newt dutifully followed her, rather than face ridicule from Gabriel, and he sat carefully, at Zira's instruction, on the edge of the tub. Zira reached up to the top of the medicine cabinet and pulled down the first-aid kit. As she cleaned and dressed his wound, Newt spoke.

"Um, thank you for doing this, Zira. I appreciate it. I'm such a klutz, huh?"

Zira patted his arm in between dabbing at his cut and reaching for a bandage. "No, no, dear. You just had a bit of a mishap. Happens to the best of us.”

There was a long pause in which Zira cleaned his wound with alcohol. 

“So...Crowley seems excited about this Beez person.”

She looked at him, surprised. “I suppose he is, yes. And I’m rather excited about Daniel. But if Crowley gets much closer to me during this trip, I might be the one to cause a _mishap_.”

_Why did she phrase it like that?_

Newt looked rather alarmed that she'd shared this personal tidbit. They weren't exactly the closest of friends, so she understood his confusion.

"Uh, um, like cause you want to punch him or...kiss him?"

Zira threw the bandage wrapper in the bin and flopped down dramatically on the closed lid of the toilet. "God, is it that obvious?"

"Which one?"

"Fuck! Sorry. I guess both. Kissing and punching. I'm sorry, Newt. I didn't mean to unload all of this on you."

He smiled gently. "No, it's alright. People don't usually trust me with things like this, but I am quite a good confidant, so you've nothing to worry about." 

"Oh, good. And it's all well and good if you tell Ana anyway. She can probably sense my internal dilemma light years away."

Newt and Zira soon made their way back to the main living room, having grown unexpectedly closer as friends, and the group ate breakfast. 

The adults and most of the children finished eating before too long, but Michael was struggling to get any food into Warlock. She was near tears, and Gabriel didn't seem to give half a damn. He was too busy admiring Beez' surfboard. Luckily, Anathema noticed and rescued her from Warlock's crummy hands. They disappeared into the back half of the house

Crowley came over to Zira, probably seeing that some other fathers weren't helping out, and said, "You don't mind if I go surfing today with Beez and Gabriel and Newt? Er, at least I think Newt's coming?"

"No, no don't worry about it. Adam and I will have a great day. With Daniel. And Newt's fine, it wasn't a bad cut." 

As if just noticing Daniel existed for the first time, Crowley processed this. "Alright then. You guys can take the day out without Adam tomorrow. Oh, also, could you all keep an eye on Michael? I'm worried about her. And I'm going to have a word with Gabriel."

Zira nodded and Crowley went to get ready to leave. Even with the storm of emotions raging inside her, Zira was glad Crowley was still an attentive father and friend. 

...

Evening brought tired children, sunburnt surfers, and a lovely meal prepared by Michael, who'd effectively de-stressed, and Daniel, who was apparently some kind of amateur chef. While the chicken was being cooked, Ana and Zira came up with a delightful plan to get Daniel on Masterchef, which he found hilarious. He was quite adamant, however, that his cooking was just for the lucky people in his life. He threw a wink in Zira's direction and, when he looked away, Ana raised an eyebrow at her, as if to say, _Why are you still hung up on Crowley when you have this perfect man all but begging for your attention?_

Zira could only shrug in response. 

When the other boys and Beez got home, they all showered and then the group sat down to their lovely meal of chicken parmesan with a fresh salad followed by a scrumptious cheesecake for dessert. The adults had wine and Brian had apple juice. (The other kids had been fed earlier and put to bed.) Some of the adults had a bit _too much_ wine. 

The dinner started off normal, but halfway through the main course, Gabriel was already on his third glass of wine and he seemed to lose all the small amount of self-control he had when he was sober. 

"So do you two really think this is working?" he asked, directing his gaze at Zira and then Crowley, who was sitting opposite her at the dining table.

Zira swallowed her bite of chicken and politely asked, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you had the _brilliant_ idea that you'd be perfect parents together and your kid would have _such_ a _great_ home life and now you're both off with other people and who gives a fuck about Adam?"

"Gabriel! Brian is right there!" snapped Michael.

He didn't notice, just continued his tirade. "It's like you thought you'd take the easy way out and how's that working out? The two of you are less than a family than Michael and I. God, you don't even talk to each other. I watched you last night. It's like when it's not about Adam you don't give a shit about each other. At least I fucking _look_ at my wife."

Several things happened at once. Crowley stood up, slamming his fork on his plate and growling. Newt scooped Brian out of his booster seat at the table and whisked him out of the room, throwing Gabriel a glare. Zira could hear him explaining the situation to his son in the most kid-friendly way possible. Anathema took Zira's hand under the table and Zira squeezed back as Crowley began to yell. 

"Gabriel, you fucking arsehole. How dare you speak about Zira that way? And how dare you compare your failing marriage to my relationship with Zira, the amazing mother of my child? How  _ dare _ you imply that Zira and I don't care about our son? You have absolutely no right to speak ill of our parenting choices when you barely act like a parent yourself. I'll have you know that I've never once regretted the decision to have a baby with Zira. She is a fucking  _ stellar  _ parent and together we created the most precious life on the planet, whom we care about an incredible amount. I fucking  _ love _ this woman, and she is my best friend. But you wouldn't know anything about a functional parental relationship, now would you?"

"Certainly don't seem to love  _ fucking  _ this woman, huh?" Gabriel muttered, clearly embarrassed to have been on the receiving end of Crowley's anger. 

"Right. That's it." Crowley kicked his chair behind him so hard that it ran into the wall next to the table and stomped over to Gabriel, hoisting him up by the collar in a surprising display of strength. "You're going to regret you ever started this,  _ mate _ ."

Everyone realized, then, that Crowley intended to drag Gabriel out behind the cottage and beat the living hell out of him, so action was taken immediately. Ana began hollering at Crowley to stop, but his eyes might as well have changed into scary demon-eyes, because the crazed look in them just got more crazy and his grip on Gabriel's shirt got tighter. 

Thankfully, Daniel didn't seem afraid of Crowley's wrath in the same way that Ana was (she was quite small so that was understandable, given the amount of strength Crowley possessed in this state). Daniel marched over to Gabriel's end of the table and got in between the men, pushing them away from each other. Gabriel stumbled backwards. It didn't seem to be lost on him that Crowley wanted to and could cause real damage to his trademark smile. Crowley stood down, only growling slightly at Daniel for foiling his plan to cause Gabriel irreversible harm. Then, everyone looked to Zira who was still sitting in her dining chair, frozen. She opened and shut her mouth. What the  _ fuck _ was happening right now? Apparently, she missed her chance to say anything, because Crowley stomped off toward the back half of the house and Ana pulled Gabriel by the ear out the front door. The only people left in the dining room were Zira, Michael, Beez, and Daniel. Beez was pushing around a bite of chicken on their plate and attempting not to look anyone in the eye, and Michael was crying silently into her napkin. Daniel looked completely out of his element. Fancy that, her boyfriend didn't expect her friends to have a catastrophic meltdown on holiday. 

Zira felt an overwhelming anger seep into her veins. How very  _ dare _ he say all of that? He didn't love her. Not that way. She had to remind herself of that. That wasn't what he'd meant, she knew. But then why did he think he could say all those kind things about her? She wasn't angry he'd stood up for her, but she was angry he could say all those things and not have the decency to be in love with her. Of course, she couldn't say that to him, but she had to say  _ something _ . 

She finally stood up. "I'm going to-" she gestured toward the hallway. "And Goddammit, would somebody get Michael a tissue?"

Crowley was pacing in his and Beez' bedroom (thankfully, Adam was asleep in Zira and Daniel's room). He stopped when Zira passed through the doorway. "God, that fucking prick. I can't believe he would dare say all of that garbage about you and our baby." He started pacing again. "I'd love to fuck up his snobby little nose and teach him a fucking lesson."

"Crowley!"

"What?"

Zira felt herself getting dizzy, partly with rage and partly because she was watching Crowley pace. "How could you-"  _ No, better not. _ "I can't believe you would-"  _ Careful, careful. _ She finally settled on something safe. "I could have stood up for myself, Crowley."

He stopped walking so abruptly that he almost toppled over. "Of- of- God, of course, Zira. I didn't mean to imply. He just said so many terrible things that I couldn't bear to listen to it any longer. Have I, have I done something wrong?"

Even as she saw Crowley's eyes fill up with tears, Zira couldn't contain her anger any longer. "Of-fucking-course you have you absolute idiot! You've fucked everything up!" Her eyes began to water as well and she turned and ran from the room. 

In her and Daniel's room, she found her boyfriend comforting a restless Adam. She quickly, and without explanation, stuffed several loose pieces of clothing into her suitcase and zipped it up. "I need to leave right now. Can you drive us home? Please?"

"Of course, let me just get my shirt from the closet and I'm all set. You want me to get Adam?"

Zira nodded, lips pressed together in an attempt to keep the tears inside. She turned around and walked back out of her room. Ana caught her by the arm on her way back towards the kitchen. She walked along with Zira on her way to the front door.

"You alright?"

What kind of a question was that? "No, Anathema. Things aren't going so well, thanks." 

Ana recoiled and pulled her arm back. 

Zira stopped. "I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. Can I call you in a few days?"

Nodding, Anathema led her the rest of the way to the door and gave her a tight hug. "I'm just a text away if you need anything."

The ride home was anything but pleasant. Adam was screaming, not having enjoyed being unceremoniously woken up in the middle of the night by his father's shouting. Usually, Daniel was the kind of person who needed to fill a silence, but he graciously allowed Zira to stew in peace to the tune of Adam's cries. 

When they reached the bookshop, Daniel parked and unloaded Zira's suitcase and scooped Adam up, trying to coax him into quieting down. Zira sat, frozen in the car, for an extra minute until she realized Daniel was just waiting on the sidewalk holding her whimpering child. She climbed out of the car and Daniel deposited Adam into her arms. He looked like he was expecting her to say something, but nothing much came to mind. 

"Um, this was wholly unexpected. I'll call you tomorrow when I'm in a better place."

He nodded. Bless him, he was such an understanding, good man. "I'll see you soon. Let me know if you need anything."

Zira took Adam upstairs to his crib and, back in his cozy nest, he fell asleep almost immediately. 

She fell into bed without so much as taking off her bra.  _ Well _ , she thought,  _ that all went down like a lead balloon.  _


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here there be the end of the journey. I feel that there might be an expectation of smut, but I wasn't able to make it happen this time. I guess you'll have to use your imagination. Nevertheless, I hope this short and sweet ending is satisfying and makes you smile. <3 <3 <3

Zira broke up with Daniel the following week, when she finally managed to drag herself out of her apartment and the bookshop. He was dreadfully understanding and sweet about the whole thing, which she thoroughly appreciated. It almost made her wish she could be satisfied and happy with this man, but her heart belonged to another. 

She didn't see the other man she was referring to for the next month. The day after she'd returned from the retreat, Zira had sent Crowley a text outlining a plan she'd come up with when she woke up to pee around two in the morning. 

_ Crowley- I think it would be best if we didn't see each other right now. Please send someone to pick up Adam on Wednesday and I'll send someone to pick him up on Saturday. -Z _

Short and to the point. No feelings included. Crowley hadn't texted back, which had been a relief to Zira. 

This arrangement had worked out just fine for the first few weeks, but last week, Crowley had called Zira's mobile seventeen times. That was seventeen opportunities for her to pick up and give him a piece of her mind. To tell him how much she loved him. And how much she wanted to wring his neck. To tell him to stop  _ fucking _ calling her and run back to his partner. 

Zira had done none of these things. She had just let the phone ring, wondering if Crowley would leave a voicemail. He never did.  _ Well, it must not have been that important, then,  _ she had thought each time. 

He didn't call her for the next six days, but that Friday morning he had phoned again, and Zira almost picked up. Crowley left a voicemail this time. He sounded incredibly resigned and his voice was ragged.

"Uuh, look, ang-Zira, I need to talk to you. I'm going to bring Adam over to yours tomorrow myself. Can we just talk, please? If you really can't stand the sight of me for five minutes, call me and I'll send someone else. Alright. I'll, uh, be over there unless I hear from you. Ciao."

Zira thought that was the saddest "ciao" she'd ever heard out of that man. She wasn't thrilled about facing him, but it was going to have to happen sooner or later. They couldn't co-parent through a go-between. As confirmation that she would listen to whatever he needed to say the next day, she didn't respond to his message, just waited anxiously for the next evening.

...

If asked, Zira would say she dressed perfectly normally that Saturday evening, but in reality, she curled her already curly hair and actually bothered to use the beautiful eyeshadow palette Ana had gotten her for Christmas last year. She even put on a skirt.

It wasn't as if she expected anything good to come out of this conversation. In fact, she expected it would involve her crying in front of Crowley, yet again, so she made sure to put on waterproof mascara. 

Crowley knocked on her flat door promptly at seven o'clock that evening. Zira let him in, but avoided eye contact. He muttered his hello, and gestured toward the nursery, where he went to set an already mostly asleep Adam in his crib. 

Zira took a deep breath in and blew it out slowly through her nose. She sincerely hoped she was ready for whatever Crowley had to say. 

He emerged from the nursery and ran his hand through his already tousled hair. It looked like he'd been messing with it for most of the day because it was flopping all over the place.

"Do you want to sit?" 

Crowley shook his head. "But you can. Sit, I mean. Don't feel like you have to- I don't know."

Zira decided to take pity on him and just sit down in her arm chair. 

He paced. Apparently he liked to pace. This wasn't something she'd had the pleasure of knowing about him previously.

"Look, I know you don't want to see me. Or talk to me. Or whatever, but I need to tell you something." He walked back and forth in the sitting room so quickly that he ran into one of the side tables next to the sofa. "God, fuck, sorry. This isn't going well. Dammit."

She still wasn't overjoyed to have Crowley racing around her living room at the moment, but she couldn't help noticing how endearing it was when he tripped over his words. Not that he was usually particularly eloquent, but there was always a reason for him to completely lose control, blabber, and run into things, which was a new one. 

Zira backtracked her thought process. There was usually an important reason for Crowley's stammering. Shit, what could the reason be? Was something wrong? With him? Seemed fine aside from the odd behavior. With Adam? No, she'd know about that. Besides, she'd just seen the baby and he was fine. Had she somehow done something wrong? Was he angry with her? Or, she supposed, angrier would be the proper descriptor. Now she was worrying herself in a circle and Crowley still hadn't spit it out. Zira found herself snapping at him, then, out of sheer frustration and fear of the worst. 

"What the hell is it, Crowley? Are you dying? You're freaking me out."

To Zira's utter surprise, Crowley burst out laughing and flopped down on the sofa. "God, no. I am not  _ dying _ , angel." 

She could see him notice her flinch at the pet name, and he softened. "Sorry, old habits, you know. Zira, I wanted to tell you that Beez and I broke up."

Trying (and failing) to sound sincere, Zira said, "Oh, I'm terribly sorry."

Crowley laughed hysterically. "No you're not! And I love you- it- crap!" He put his head in his hand. "That is not how I meant to tell you."

Zira wanted to get angry. She wanted to sob. She wanted to laugh. She wanted to run from the flat, from the bookshop until she reached the edge of London. This man, this man she'd loved for so long, had finally told her that he loved her, but it was a lie. 

In the end, the tears won out. One dragged itself down her cheek and onto the corner of her mouth, and as she opened her mouth to speak, it rolled onto her tongue. She tasted the salt as it sank deeper into the wound. 

"Crowley, how am I supposed to believe that? I've wanted you for so many months and-"

"Months, Zira? God- somebody- I could have been with you months ago?"

"Let me talk! I realized I loved you after Adam was born, but in truth I've loved you for far longer than that. But all you've done for most of the past year is date that stuck-up architect prick, so how am I supposed to believe you suddenly love me?"

Crowley stood up and came to kneel in front of her. "Zira, angel, I have loved you- I have been  _ in love _ with you since our last year of undergraduate. I only dated all these people because I thought I couldn't have you. And now I see that I did have a chance and dating around was actually pushing you away. I'm eternally sorry that we had this misunderstanding. But I love you, Zira, and I want to be the family we were always meant to be. What do you say?"

Zira was crying now, tears of joy (he loved her!), and tears or regret (he'd loved her for ten years and she only recently had realized she loved him?). She looked into his eyes and saw that his matched hers in their dampness. He was telling the truth and she finally believed him. 

"I say, yes. Yes, I want to be a family with you, yes I love you, yes I've missed you, yes I'm sorry for pushing you away, yes I want to be with you with all my heart."

Crowley's tears won their way down his cheeks. "Oh, thank fuck. Now, if you won't mind, I'd like to properly remind you how much I love you in every single way. May I please fuck the shit out of you?"

Zira giggled, and it was a rough sound skipping across her throat, but she was full of joy. "Why, yes, dear. I think that would be advisable."

Crowley reached up and cupped Zira's cheek. "You've no idea how much I've wanted to do this again, and properly worship you this time." He then silenced any response Zira could have come up with by capturing her mouth in a sweet, deep kiss. 

Kissing Crowley again was heavenly. His tongue in her mouth was gentle, yet insistent. When he dragged his teeth along Zira's bottom lip, she moaned and broke the kiss. 

"I'm so in love with you, God, I'm so fucking in love with you, Crowley. Please for the love of all that is holy, please take me, please. Bedroom?"

Crowley nodded enthusiastically and chased Zira to the comfort of her mattress. 

...

Zira flopped back against the pillows and released a long breath. "Well, that was a thing."

Crowley elbowed her in the arm. "Hey, you want to know another thing?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you. That's the thing. The thing is, you're my best friend and I'm in love with you, and I'm sorry I've stayed away so long." 

Zira let a smile sweep across her face. "Well, fancy that. I've missed you, and I'm glad you're back." She leaned in for another kiss, and she thought for a second that maybe they were going to go again, but at that moment, Adam started wailing in the other room. 

Crowley gently released her mouth and then leapt up. "I'll get him. You rest." He quickly pulled on his jeans and headed for Adam's room. 

She smiled and watched him walk away, sighing for a moment at how lucky she was. Getting out of bed, she pulled on her dressing gown and slippers. After a quick rummage, Zira discovered a pair of Crowley's pajamas in her dresser from one of the many nights he stayed over and couldn't be bothered to walk ten steps back to his apartment. She laid them out of the bed for when he'd gotten Adam back to sleep. 

There was a special bottle of wine in Zira's liquor cabinet that she'd been saving for a special day, which she set out on the coffee table along with two glasses and a few pieces of cake that she had laying around (as you do). 

Crowley returned a few minutes later in his pajamas, and Zira had a vision of them growing older together, raising Adam, getting married, moving to the seaside. And it was real, now. They could really plan a life together. He wanted to be with her, and she wanted to be with him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading this fic! I was so worried no one would like it but to have so many lovely kudos and comments has warmed my heart significantly! <3 <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr at miss-minnelli :)


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